Smoke Gets In Your... Eyes!

Dateline: Saturday, April 3, 2010

Boy, howdy! Ain't that Lynda Allen a pure work of art? Graceless and tactless, too, without a milliliter [1] of humanness. Sorry... that last is not entirely correct. While it is true that she and her adult-looking accomplices are devoid of adult thought processes, they are filled with the most perverse and childish manifestations of aberrant [2] thoughts and actions.

As ample illustration, take Lynda's observed actions at 7:14 a.m. last Saturday morning. Completely within her predictable limitations, she turned the yard radio on right after 7:00 a.m. instead of waiting for 8:00 like a good little girl. For some unintelligible reason, she took into her otherwise empty head the notion that I must be at home, in bed, and trying to sleep at such an early hour. Well, she was right on two points, but sleeping was an "iffy" concept with the infernal racket she was making next door.

Returning to the point, at 7:12 the radio station began playing a song with which she must be intimately acquainted, being a smoker and all. (Her laugh - better described as a gravelly cackle, eerily discomfitting in its emission, like fingernails on a chalkboard - confirms it.) The song's lyrics end with five syllables emphasized by high and rising notes - "Smoke... Gets... In... Your... Eyes!" A thought grabbed onto her puny-to-nonexistent mental capacities, overwhelmed them, and tempted her with, "On the last and highest note, turn up the volume really, Really LOUD. Make sure your bastard neighbor is awake!"

Two minutes later, the song's ending crescendo began. (During the previous night, Lynda's outdoor rock speaker, which is mounted just over the fence, was turned toward my house, as in this post.) In the one-beat pause between "Your" and "Eyes!" Lynda spun the volume knob clockwise, causing the greatly amplified voice to reach the hospital on Yosemite Avenue a half-mile away - and everywhere in between. The decibel reading went off the charts. Every sound, but one, ceased to exist. Deafened and disoriented birds in Lynda's fruitless mulberry tree twittered and fluttered ineffectually [3].

Here is the annotated screen capture from an .mp3 editor program, which illustrates the purposeful manipulation.

The spinning world stood still momentarily while Lynda Allen puckered up, insinuated [4] her **censored** lips into the appropriate anatomical crevice, and tried vigorously to blow her vile smoke up my ass. (Hint: Keep practicing on yourself or your two live-ins a while longer, dearie. {shrug} Just sayin'...)

Immediately after the final note, the volume (or, sound pressure level) was turned way, way down and the rock speaker was again turned more-or-less away from my house. Lynda has wordlessly and unmistakeably answered every conceivable question about her defective [5] mental state. Her self-destructed brain is emitting smoke from every one of her orifices - eyes, ears, mouth, and lower.

Anyway, I need to "slice" out and save those precious thirty seconds of recorded Mega 100.1. I can listen to it over and over, and play it for anyone else who needs a little convincing of Lynda's instability. So here ya' go, ya' lovable qui*** [6], this song is dedicated to you:

"Blow... Smoke... Up... YOUR... @$$!"

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[1] milliliter (n) one cubic centimeter.

[2] aberration (n) the act of being aberrant (or deviant) esp. from a moral standard or a normal state; unsoundness or disorder of the mind.

[3] ineffectually (adv) not producing the proper or usual effect; futilely.

[4] insinuate (v) to introduce (as oneself) by stealthy, smooth, or artful (artificial, crafty, wily, or sly) means.

[5] defective (adj) markedly subnormal mentally or physically.

[6] **censored**

Opposite of Maiden Voyage is...?

Yep. Off they go...

• Good Friday morning. Just over the fence, the Mega 100.1, KQOD Stockton, 7:00 a.m. radio morning show fires up - as it has for many months.
• (What kind of neighbors play their outdoor radio for 12-14 hours continuously, every day, rain or shine, with the speaker pointed across the fence at a house not theirs??)
• Tight-Lipped Theresa visits the outdoor "pantry" (just over the fence, too) and fills the ice chest, packed with food and beverage for the pilgrimage, with ice.
• (After all, she IS the cookie and Limping Lynda - the starship captain - is "all stove up" from her planet v. starship crash some years ago.)
• The vittles get packed into Curling Corky's car.
• (Don't worry, it'll still hold all three Muses - T, L, & C - and it's much more fuel efficient than their big-ass pickup or the SUV.)
• Another holiday outing to the Farmers Insurance Company lawyer in Sacramento.
• (The mood is not so festive since time is running out on their "free" attorney because Farmers Insurance pulled the "reservation of rights" plug on indemnifying business claims on a homeowners policy.)
• (Or, maybe they're checking out other places to move and leave this HORRIBLE neighborhood - at least one neighbor - behind. (Of course, these three will take their HORRIBLE "neighborliness" with them wherever they wind up. That's the way life works.)
• The proposed stipulated judgment (subject to small technical adjustments) has been on the table since Tuesday. Because this is the plaintiff's absolutely MINIMUM acceptable offer, any objections or attempts to reduce the requirements by the defendants will result in INCREASING the requirements - or merely proceeding onward with the lawsuit.
• Lynda and Theresa and Corky should have no problem with that stance because that was THEIR stance at the outset. Three years ago... two years ago... one year ago...they have been consistently and obstinately - even hostilely - unwilling to effect ANY changes - even small changes - to REDUCE their noise nuisance impact on my property.
• (Contrarywise, these Sirens went so far as to INCREASE their noise nuisance by mounting their rock speaker by the icemaker and playing them both together! 
• (That last happened because I publicly outed their Dirty Little Secret - TLC Catering is NOT grandfathered!)

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We are playing for ALL the marbles... the WHOLE roach coach enchilada...

Yep. Off they go... into the final frontier. May God speed their (one-way) departure.

Proposed Stipulated Judgment

Hey, batta', batta'... here's the wind-up... there's the pitch!...

Let's see now... how hard can this be?

Instead of moving TLC Catering elsewhere, Lynda and Theresa have already chosen to close down the illegally operating business. I'm guessing it was too much bother (or too costly) to run their business legally. It doesn't matter to me which option they chose. Either way, YEAH! But there's still more paperwork to do...

They quit running their trucks and the icemaker a month or two ago, but they continue to run their mouths and the yard radio. That will change under this stipulation (above).

Was it really the bad economy that forced their decision, or did my pretty little lawsuit have a cumulative hand in it, tipping the balance? Maybe they could get jobs running this operation.

Through the Looking-Glass - "T'weren't Legal..."

It's too bad Lewis Carroll didn't have an additional given name, something like Timothy or Thaddeus, because then his initials would be T.L.C.

As it is, many of my earliest post titles (Chasing the Rabbit Down the Hole, Curiouser and Curiouser, and Into the King's Court) were references to Carroll's Alice in Wonderland (actually, Through the Looking-Glass and What Alice Found There, 1872.)

Perhaps this subconcious phenomenon was in recognition of my precipitous slide toward the surreal and twisted world just over the fence,

• where laws mean the opposite of what they say;
•  
• where actresses parrot lines from an ancient script, the origin of which was nearly lost in antiquity;
•  
• where these caricatures* publicly display broad Cheshire Cat smiles, which suddenly appear and more quickly disappear as their ocassion or audience changes;
• (no appearance of magic mushrooms yet).

Therefore. . . with apologies to Lewis Carroll. . . and credit for his understanding and inspiration in bringing his magical creatures to life. . . I offer a minor re-write of Jabberwocky.

T-L-Wocky

T'weren't legal... yet the cater cysts

Did gambol long on Fishback Road:
All misty were their origins
And the O. Rex outgrowed.

"Swear off the roach coach food, my son!

The mobile home! The stinky grease!
Forestall the Crystal truck, and shun
The frumious Scotsman's ice!"

He took his legal pen in hand;

Long time the noisesome prats he sought--
So rested he by the dum-dums' tree
And stood in restless thought.

And, as in sleepless muse he slumped,

The T-L-Wocks - six eyes aflame! -
Came gnashing 'cross their mangy dump
And burbled as they came!

One - Nine - Eight - Six! ... until today!

The research sword went snicker-snack!
He left them stunned, and with their buns
He went galumphing back.

"And hast thou slain M-F P-U's?"

"Yes, sir, they all are on the block!"
"Oh, frabjuous day! Calloo, callay!"
We all cheered 'til we croaked.

T'weren't legal... yet the cater cysts

Did gambol long on Fishback Road:
All misty were their origins
And the O. Rex outgrowed.

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* caricature (n) imitation, impersonation, parody, lampoon, spoof, sendup, mockery, takeoff, burlesque, travesty, charade, pasquinade, put-on.

Deal or No Deal?

My guess was confirmed by my attorney.

Last Friday's quiet, no-radio morning and the all-day absence by T & L had me guessing they made yet another jaunt to Sacramento, where their insurance company-provided lawyer is stabled. Sure enough, they met to craft an offer in settlement.

Opposing counsel pitched the idea of a settlement conference to my attorney. But if the offer is anything like their pre-suit offer (merely move the icemaker!), there is no chance of a new offer being acceptable based on the same logic as spelled out here for declining the pre-suit offer.

My aims have always been crystal clear and I have spelled them out repeatedly. If opposing counsel has any questions about my aims, I suggest he re-read the two-page Executive Summary found in the research book entitled, Allen & Brassey: TLC on Fishback Street, delivered to the Manteca City Council on February 17, 2009.

To prove I have been consistent, below is one paragraph from a 2008 letter to the City of Manteca (before I even knew TLC Catering was NOT grandfathered!)

April 4, 2008
. . .
My aims are threefold. (1) The immediate need is nighttime noise cessation. (2) The next goal, in the short term, is to have the City of Manteca spell out for me and my neighbors the legal responsibilities (and necessary formal variances!) this business has in a residential neighborhood. (3) My long term goal (and the Planning Department’s goal?) is to have the business assets and operations removed from the property (perhaps to a commercial zone?)
. . .
(full letter here)


It took almost TWO YEARS to accomplish aim #1! It took a full year of my time battling the City clowns and doing the research myself (aim#2) plus another year and a lawsuit and a screwy economy to accomplish aim #1!

Aim #3, as explained in the Executive Summary, page 2:
. . .
"In order to effect a comprehensive rehabilitation of this residential property to its business-free state, an awful lot of shit has to be shoveled. With no grandfather protection and no home occupation permit, every piece of currently used (and previously used but now abandoned) business equipment is on the property illegally, and the TLC Catering and Commissary business operation is an illegal land use.

"The same jeopardy applies - twice over - to the mobile home abandoned by a former property owner. The unpermitted structure should not be there at all and Allen & Brassey are utilizing it as part of their unlawful business use. It must be removed from the property."
. . .

In light of my "shit to be shoveled" commentary, if the offer is, not shovels full, but a mere teaspoon of excrement along the lines of, "We're going out of business anyway, so we promise not to start it up again," well... you can guess my reaction.

As Karen Carpenter sung, "We've only just begun...." I haven't even started on the deal-breaker demands for a COMPLETE, IMMEDIATE AND UNCONDITIONAL EXTINGUISHMENT of Lynda's deceitful assertion of legal nonconforming use status of the property, and on the recovery of my costs to expose what she has fraudulently and illegally built up over twenty-three years.

If she thinks she can "skate" over a quarter-century of lawless livelihood without consequence, she's stupider than I give her credit for.

Cleaning Up Some of TLC's Environmental Waste

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Just to make sure the general public in Tracy and Manteca are protected from the lawless bent of my neighbors, I sent this letter to my helpful contacts at the Health Department to give them a heads up.

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San Joaquin County, Environmental Health Department
Attn: Jeff Carruesco, Program Coordinator
600 E. Main Street
Stockton, CA 95202

March 18, 2010

Re: Superior Court Case # 3-2009-00212085-CU-OR-STK,
Behling v. Allen, Brassey, TLC Catering and Commissary


Dear Mr. Carruesco,

The enclosed picture shows that Lynda Allen and Theresa Brassey, owners and operators of TLC Catering, have elected to cease business operations on their residential property located at 810 Fishback Street in Manteca and not move their operation elsewhere. If they have already contacted you with that decision, please provide me and my attorney with copies of all correspondence between the parties and the health permit cancellations for TLC Catering's MFPU's and the private commissary.

If they have not yet contacted you, please flag their account and provide the documents requested above as they become available.
. . .

Your department's files were extremely helpful to me in reconstructing the scope and duration of Allen's and Brassey's illegal operation. I only wish your department had been more diligent to verify their lack of property rights for this operation twenty-three years ago. Nevertheless, I am pleased that 1) the current poor economic climate, 2) my lawsuit against them for their lack of land use permits and causing a noise nuisance, and 3) their lack of business insurance have all combined to present this single option to the owners of TLC Catering and Commissary.

Sincerely,

Bumpy Times at Manteca City Hall

My short list of (known) totally useless city employees was recently pared by one-third.

Mark Nelson is out!

This was the man who held the title of Director of Community Development, a department head.

This was the man who, in a city council meeting, indignantly spluttered, "It is NOT my job to fix all the [planning] problems of the past!" (Gee, not even the ones that require no effort on your part?)

This was the man who, in the Manteca Municipal Code, Title 17, was given full and exclusive authority to review illegal land uses and summarily stop them until compliance with the code is achieved.

This was the man who, during the City Council meeting of March 3, 2009, sat by for forty minutes without uttering a single word regarding my fully documented illegal land use complaint. Instead he deferred to Rex (The Icepick) Osborn's smear campaign and John Brinton's CYA legal elucidations or obsfucations (I couldn't tell which. Oh, right. That makes it an obsfucation...)

Even with all three of those mentioned, combined, bumps on logs are more useful.