Monday, March 28, 2011

Odd Traffic Patterns (Except For BDG's)


Tuesday morning, March 22, 2011 - What's better than once? Twice!

The two junkyard dogs are hidden away shut up in the Smokehouse and the four house dogs are all kept outside for a couple hours when the Blue Car Boys come to visit.

10:31 - First visit by Blue Car
10:54 - 23 minutes, first visit ends, Blue Car departs

11:04 - Ten minutes later, Blue Car Boys return for a second visit
11:34-11:54 - 20-minute back yard tour, led personally and exclusively by Lyin' Lynda.
11:55 - 51 minutes, second visit ends, Blue Car departs

During the indoor portions of the visits, Cork Screwed and Roly-Poly Red waffled around out back, doing nothing but wasting time and steering clear. Their shuffling body movements were perfectly clear; standing, pacing, quick circuits of the MJ sheds, peeking in through the screened porch of the house to see if the visitors had gone yet.

We were told... no, uh, never mind.
We're looking for real women to probe.
(You know, most people say a camera puts ten extra pounds on its victims subjects, but with Roly-Poly it looks more like twenty or thirty. Marijuana munchies?)

The fact of the matter is, those two xxxxlickers bootlickers leave all the prevaricating and story-telling to Lyin' Lynda because:
  • #1) she is the Alpha Bitch, and
  • #2) since 1987 the Alpha Bitch has perfected her outrageous pattern of lies and deceptions regarding nonexistent grandfathered status, illegal TLC Catering business, unpermitted construction, excessive dogs, no garbage cans, "po' little me and po' us'ns," and - since 2007 - the "Mommy, he's pickin' on me!" refrain for every imagined ill that has befallen the Barefoot Dirty Girls since that Neighbor From Hell moved in next door, and
  • #3) they absolutely will NOT deprive their Alpha Bitch (the fangs! the big, brassey balls!) of the only way she can get her big brasseys off - and aimed at someone else!

Who's comin'? Who's goin'? Is it my turn yet?

Wednesday morning, March 23, 2011 - What's better than twice? Thrice!

A white pickup, with a number stenciled on the back, made a drive-by before staying for a visit. It arrived in front of the house at 09:54, one minute after one of the BDG's had returned home and rolled the gate closed. Detecting no intelligent life, it drove off a minute later.

It arrived again at 11:35, leaving again 23 minutes later at 11:58. (Contact made, Captain. Confirmed: No intelligent life here.)

The truck returned a third time a half-hour later, at 12:29, and stayed 34 minutes until 13:03. (Bridge to Gunnery: Lock on coordinates. Just nuke the place!)

At 13:17, the BDG's convened an ad hoc meeting out back and first order of business was to adjourn it to the Smokehouse for some massive hits of Sierra High © weed. (Bridge to Gunnery: Belay that last order. The broads are nuking themselves.)

Monday, March 28, 2011 - Driving while impaired... again.

Junkyard dogs in / house dogs out.
...Pick up dog shit.
......House dogs in / junkyard dogs out.
.........Move trash bin contents to trash truck.
............Shuffle dogs.
...............Run an hour-and-twenty errand.
..................Shuffle dogs.
.....................Tend the MJ plants.
........................Shuffle dogs.
...........................Wash out the MJ tubs. 
..............................Shuffle dogs.

What a tiring morning! This work shit is so debilitating, I need a hit! Schlepping 'round and 'round this hellhole really works up an appetite for a huge dose of :

Sierra High © homegrown!

Stretch... stretch... knuckle pop, neck swivel, straighten the Corkscrew. Wait for L/L to wake up from her nap and R/R to come out of her fog.

11:00 o'clock break in the Smokehouse. "Last one in's a dirty yegg!" Junkyard dogs turned out of their quarters. "Close th' winda. Don' care if'n it smells like dog breath and cat piss, it's too cold AND it's letting the secondhand cloud out. Jus' wanna smoke!"

11:59. Wasted clowns burst from the Smokehouse. Hungry, thirsty, L/L downs a soda and tosses the can for someone else to pick up later. "Lunchtime. Gots the munchies bad. Pizza delivered again, or go get it ourselfs?"

12:15 One or more of the BDG's pile in a car, back out of the driveway, and drive off down the street. "Get outta my f'n way! Where you learn drivin'? I learnt 'n Pinole!"

- - - - - - - - - -

And all the potheads say, "Weed don't kill."

Yeah, right.


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