Tuesday, December 14, 2010

O.M.G.! Hilarious O.G.M.* Highlights From 2010

Documenting Three Years of
Stupid Pet Neighbor BDG Tricks
Volume 3 contains only the first half of 2010
Volume 4, the second half, is nearing completion

Happy Valentines Day, Mike! - On or about February 15th 2010 - The Barefoot Dirty Girls shut down their illegal operation of TLC Catering and Commissary. (See here for a copy of their slothful and absurdly tardy Admissions, which didn't come through until November.)

T.L.C. - an acronym for Triumvirate** of Lickety-Cxxxx Splits; specif. a group of three old lesbians, who look and act like men, and mistakenly believe they have decision making authority or abilities.
Burnin' 'em down at TLC's kick-ass, day-long
going-out-of-business party, March 2010

The Pimples Are Ready For Popping - April 2010 - Loud and long outdoor radio playing (as early as 6:00 a.m. - as late as 10:00 p.m. - every day - even when they are gone from the property) from Christmas, through New Years, through Easter, to April 28th, when the BDG puss-pockets reached full turgidity, bursted, and earned themselves a radio nuisance infraction (citation #1.) The radio nuisance has continued all year since, in spite of the official actions and filings made against them.

There's A Reason It's Called "Dope" - Springtime 2010 - The fried-brain BDG's managed to plant marijuana - on both our properties. Sowing their bad seeds widely is something they've done for at least a quarter-century. Eventually they had at least a dozen weeds growing openly in the planter under the solar panels.

Discovery of "wildly sown" marijuana, June 12, 2010
Cornelia's Political "Contribution" - June 2010 - I finally discovered that Manteca Mayor, Willie Weatherford, is the Barefoot Dirty Girls' connection to City Hall and political protector for their illegal land use as TLC Catering and Commissary. (See here for the followup story of Weatherford and council OK'ing Manteca's own illegal child care business enterprise spanning ten years before being caught. The whole sordid story illustrates the depth of corruption infecting local government in the City of Manteca.)

Summer of Re-Construction - May, June, July - BDG's provided fulltime employment [cash basis?] of foreign language speaking [documented?] trabajadores, Alex and Joaquin, to demolish and reconstruct back porch (missing permit), remodel and re-roof house (reluctantly obtained permits), re-side house (Sears pulled permit.) Despite her abberant ways, the "Mouth" still had the [Big Brassey Balls] to tell an inspector, "You're NOT putting a ladder against MY new roof!" using her high, screechy, smoker's voice.

Illegal Mobile Home Demolished - July 2010 - Twenty-eight years after its last licensing expired, the illegal mobile home, which served as the commissary for the illegal TLC Catering business operation, was finally demolished by trabajaderos. I sent a follow up letter to the City of Manteca regarding abandonment of 812 Fishback Street as a "real" address on the property (APN 222-11-003, or 810 Fishback Street.)

Fifteen Months of Stonewalling - August 2010 - BDG's first use of the excuse, "cancer in the family," to avoid answering discovery demands in the lawsuit. It eventually came out that Red has breast cancer. The cancer must have afflicted all their brains, however, to think that for even one second they are excused from the demands of the lawsuit. Anesthetized or dead, maybe... but cannabis doped, no.

Sierra High School v. Marijuana Farm Team - August 2010 - Manteca Unified School District Board of Trustees, Sierra High administration, and Manteca Police Department (finally!) get involved. MPD issued a citation (citation #2) to the BDG's for openly growing and processing marijuana on their property adjoining the high school. It eventually came out that all three Barefoot Dirty Girls have medical marijuana cards, under California's (stupid) Compaaaaassionate Use Act of 1996.

Big-Ass Tent and Weeklong Yard Sale - August/September 2010 -
"And what's with that giant tent in their yard now? It beats me to hell all the shit they constantly haul onto their property! It's like living next to a cross-pollinated wrecking yard, flea market, and opium den."
It was eventually demonstrated that the big-ass tent was their marijuana drying shed.

Animal Control Citation - September 2010 - One year from the original complaint, the BDG's are (finally!) cited by Animal Control (citation #3) for too many dogs on the property. As of year end, the number of dogs still exceeds the allowable limit of three. The BDG's remain out of compliance, the normal condition for them. "Lickety-Lips" Lynda claims "the dogs are my children." The phrase, "sons of bitches," takes on literal meaning here. {So cute... they look just like her, too, especially the pissy little chihuahuas.}

810 Garden Gnomes Remove Icemaker - September 2010 - Icemaker removed. (Finally fuckin' time!)

Icemaker gone - Marijuana tent added
Winchester Mystery House (Manteca-style) - October 2010 - BDG's moved the marijuana tent and constructed (more foreign language speaking labor) two sheds for their next "home-grown" operation. Of course, if the weed is distributed (sold, traded, or free) off the property or grown "cooperatively" for nonresidents, the BDG's will be operating illegally, breaking the very law they are pretending to hide behind.

Peeping Tom-boys - October 2010 - Lickety-Lips ordered her trabajederos to set up CCD surveillance cameras to "watch her fence" or "to provide security." Of course, she just makes shit up. What Lyin' Lynda really wants is to watch my yard, track when I get up, leave, return, and retire, and generally intimidate and harass me for sustaining this lawsuit against her intimidating noise nuisance and harassing actions. Go figure... Just exactly what organ does she use for brains?

Continuing the "Grandfathered" Lie - December 2010 - I still can't tell you how the mediation session went... so quit asking!

* * * * *

Despite the best efforts of the Barefoot Dirty Girls to completely waste the year, a couple good things did happen.

Affidavit of Misrepresentation - June 2010 - I obtained an affidavit from the original letter writer recanting TLC Catering's "grandfather" letter of June 29, 1993.

City Council Elections - November 2010 - I ran third for one of the two open seats, polling 4,000 votes.

Extinguishment of nonconforming use status - December 2010 - I notified the City of Manteca to rescind the nonconforming use status next door - by letter - due to the time limits of suspended operation spelled out in the city code.

- - - - - - -
* O.G.M. - Old Gay Maids

An acquaintance recently commented that there is "nothing sadder than two old lesbians."

My response was that three old lesbians living together was surely worse, especially when they refuse to make a "clean breast" of things.

But such deviance is actually cause for celebration in Pinole Tracy Manteca San Francisco, the city of Gavin (Any Twosome) Newsome, the recently elected Lieutenant Governor of California:


** A triumvirate (from Latin, "of three men") is a political regime dominated by three powerful individuals, each a triumvir (pl. triumviri). The arrangement can be formal or informal, and though the three are usually equal on paper, in reality this is rarely the case. Like Caesar in ancient Rome's First Triumvirate, Lying' Lynda is thoroughly established in her sole rule as perpetual dictator, a self-declared legend in her own time mind.


Saturday, December 11, 2010

Arrested Development: BDG's Mental and Emotional Age


This cartoonist's tableau faithfully depicts just how far Lyin' Lynda, Resectioned Red, and Corkscrewed Cornelia have regressed...  progressed along life's road to mature human interactions. Their claims to a grandfathered nonconforming use of property are almost as well reasoned as the high chair crowd, and their legal defense of creamed peas being flung back at every charge or demand is simply brilliant, worthy of any toddler two and under.

... are so ...     ... am not ...
... are so ...     ... am not ...
... are so ...     ... am not ...

They shriek their tantrum, "But, we're caterers! We're cooks and caterers and druggies ...  We got rights... We gotta right. {Screw our grown-up responsibilities!} We'll throw enough gooey, slimy, smelly mashed leaf leafy, green vegetables at him and he'll go away."

Or their other knee-jerk reactions:
  • "Not enough noise for you? Well, here's some MORE!"
  • "You watched us run our illegal activities... so we're gonna invade your property and privacy as Peeping Tomboys with our cameras. So there!"
  • "We stopped our illegal business, but F-U if you think we'll cop to being in the wrong for twenty-three years!"
Not surprising, though. Unfortunately for all of us, none of them has had any children (as far as known) to show them the way and help them grow up. But on the celestially brighter and positive side: now that that shallow eddy of the gene pool has dried up, they can't replicate and it's only a matter of time (a short time, we pray) before they quit consuming our oxygen and producing their methane and second-hand pot smoke.

No fool! This AIN'T tobaccy!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Abstract Discussion of No Mediation in Particular

A Day of Dredging For Pearls in the Swineyard

Let me be perfectly clear - I cannot tell you anything about yesterday's mediation set-to, or you'd have to kill me... or sue me... or threaten to sue me... or call me bad names... or step up some indeterminate harassment activity... or something... I think… Are we clear? (Actually, I think Lynda would be happy to accept any size rub-out contract. Hell, she'd probably do it for free.)

You see, we were made to sign this long-ass document, printed on 50-lb, high rag content, colored-to-look-like-parchment paper, which had at least eleven paragraphs and numerous obscure references to totally opaque, serialized sections of something called the CCP. (It ain't called a Code for nothin’ and I think this gobbledy-gook CCP is where lawyers get their secret passwords and handshakes that exclude the unwashed masses from meddling in their solicitous divinations; you know, the second oldest profession in the world, where johns clients pay to be fondled manipulated until they feel really, really good, hoping for a happy ending.) The upshot of the parchment scroll was to call the entire afternoon's doings a secret, cloaked in mystery, and locked away as an enigma [h/t Churchill], forever more... forever more... to be referred to henceforth only as That-Which-Cannot-Be-Mentioned. Its official-sounding title is Non-Disclosure Agreement (NDA).

However, at the risk of losing my family jewels, I will tell you that the high point of this consensus building farce, this complete and utter waste of time and money, this totally unnecessary circus act hoop set up for the performance by caged animals (litigants) for the amusement and enrichment of spectators (trial lawyers), under the indefensible pretense that an emotions-guided, endocrine-powered, brain dead, irrational person can be "helped" to arrive at a sane and reasonable settlement {breathe}... Where am I? Oh, yes, the high point came during one of the interminable breaks while the mediator was "facilitating" the defendant's "undue process," when my attorney noted a framed print of a sailing vessel on the conference room wall and launched into an exposition of the design differences between single-mast sloops, double-mast ketches, and two- or three-mast schooners.

Uhmm... is this one going to be on the test?

I paid close attention half a mind to sailing because the other half wandered off to marvel at the illegal and immoral bestial treatment Lynda Allen, et al, forced upon Roger and Flora Stewart for twenty years, and why said defendant is so like a burdened backcountry burro, which will on a whim dig in its heels and even sit on its ass to avoid the inevitable stream crossing. After all, one has to cross the Jordan River to arrive at the beautiful shore. All in all, my attorney’s discourse was a most expensive lecture on the arcane art of sailing vessel rigging; but he, of course, will tell me it was complimentary (a "comp" for all you casino gamblers out there); however, I view it more like a cheap, plastic toy in a box of Cracker Jacks © co-packed under the Niemen Marcus © label.

Fortunately, we were interrupted and pressed back into our titular Salvador Dali orgy before he could drag in keel-less dinghies or the rum-running cutters of a past era. Still, I cannot, nor do I care to, go into the details of the countless proposals and counter-proposals made by the parties, since they were all trivial, meaningless really, mere martial sparring on a different killing field. Nor can I comment on, nor confirm or deny, any settlement reached.

Defendant preparation consists of long hits of homegrown weed

Again putting my family jewels on the line, my biggest heartache is the rejection I suffer daily from my inconsiderate neighbor. How can she be so insensitive to set aside so lightly the attentions I pay to her? Who else writes poems about her exploitations? Who else considers her every scuffing step, her every shuffling move, her every shrill, whiney cry over commissaries and dogs, catering trucks and dogs, travel trailers and dogs, Raiders Radio and dogs, foreign language speaking handymen and dogs, and openly grown weed and the self-medicated doggie-doctors who write Medical Marijuana Recommendations? Why does she give herself, lickety-split*, to another… to more than one other? Why does she Go Green when her main squeeze goes under the knife? The only consolation I can extend is the possibility that her life partner returns completed - and with today's technologies and materials, perhaps more than whole - with perky, bouncy, revitalized and chewable virtually indestructible Big Brassy [sp?] Boobs! What a complement that would be to her own pair of Big Brassy Balls, which were on exhibitionistic display for all to see yesterday (along with the noted, most obvious odor of Sierra High © mary janes wafting reeking from her clothes and person to fill the mediator's office.)

Did you ever think that lawyers possess certain traits - in spades - in common with practitioners of the world’s oldest profession these women? Boy, can they ever dish dirt on each other! I’m guessing the comments of the lifer lawyers regarding the light C.V. and off-topic experience of the fresh-faced Farmer’s Insurance paid shill were supposed to ingratiate themselves to me, but the feeling I took away was towering anger that my legal bill skyrockets while some punk kid with a new sheepskin from Podunk U. Law cuts his teeth at Auntie Lyn’s breast. [I misspoke; the mere thought of letting a man that close to her is abhorrent to her.] She probably schmoozed him into believing that she is the Grandfather Grandmother of All Good and his teeth sticking out through his upper lip is a normal sign of growing up.

I came across a .pdf report the other day, published by the American Journal of Mediation - for anyone who has any interest whatsoever - about the fifteen common reasons for mediation failures and the few clichéd pablums** for achieving a successful outcome.

But I still can't tell you the outcome.

Back on October 22nd (and posted for you all to read on November 19th) I outlined for my attorney an objective measure of Lickety-Split Lynda's prospective cooperation, to wit:
The [surveillance] cameras must be removed forthwith; else the presumption of good faith in mediation [on December 7th] will be nullified.

The measure: The cameras are still up and operational on December 8th.

Combining Lyin' Lynda's history and the objective measure above, any rational, reasonable person can guess the outcome without me saying it.
- - - - - - - - - - -

Meaning: headlong, at full speed.

Origin: This is an American phrase in origin, possibly with Scottish influences, and isn't commonly used in other countries. Lickety may be taken from lick, meaning speed - as in 'going at quite a lick'. That usage is known by the early 19th century. For example, this piece from Thomas Donaldson's Poems, chiefly in the Scottish dialect, 1809:

"Ere I get a pick, In comes young Nannie wi' a lick."

It is variously spelled in early citations but, whatever the spelling, it is just as likely to be a nonsense word, not pertaining to anything in particular. The first record of it in print is in D. McKillop's Poems, 1817:

"I rattl'd owre the A, B, C, as fast as lickitie An' read like hickitie."

The hiciktie in that line may be a version of heck - itself a euphemism for hell. I can't find out anything about Mr. McKillop but I would guess he was a Scottish gentleman - Donaldson certainly was. Lickitie in that spelling certainly wouldn't look out of place in Scotland.

The second word of the term is just an intensifier, and 'split' was settled on eventually. That is first cited in American Speech, 1848, as 'lickoty split'. Lickety may have been imported into the USA via immigration from Scotland. Split seems to have been added in the USA.

The many variations on 'lickety split', for example 'licketty cut', 'lickety click', 'lickoty split' suggest an invented onomatopoeic phrase. It is suggestive of phrases like clickety-click which mimic trains running across points.

Also of American origin is the more recent vulgar usage of the term to mean cunnilingus. This isn't common even in the USA and dates from the 1960s. It first appeared in print in the jokes section of Playboy Magazine, January 1970, in a joke about Mae West which I'll leave to your imagination.

** pablum 1. (Trademark) a Canadian brand of soft, bland cereal for infants 2. (lowercase) (n) trite, naive, or simplistic ideas or writings; intellectual pap.


Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Extinguish v. Exterminate...


Yellow and Red have their permanent pariah protégé and
personal protector do pest control act as their good will ambassador

(Ever notice how everything the BDGs do
has to make loud noise? ...or smoke?)

- - - - - - - - -

Today I posted the following letter to the City of Manteca's Director of Community Development:

City of Manteca
Attn: Frederick Clark
1001 W Center Street
Manteca, CA 95336


Re: Determination of extinguishment of nonconforming use status at 810 Fishback Street, Manteca, CA

Dear Mr. Clark,

I am requesting a letter of determination from you memorializing the extinguishment of the nonconforming use status accorded to the property neighboring mine, at 810 Fishback Street, Manteca, CA 95337, on June 29, 1993. Attached is the City of Manteca letter of that date.

The nonconforming use, a business known as TLC Catering and its associated private commissary, ceased operation “on or about February 15, 2010.” Attached is the owner’s verification of that date, declared by her “under penalty of perjury under the laws of the State of California.” From that date to this, the business operation has not resumed; indeed, key elements of physical plant have been removed, though much remains.

Because a nonconforming use “runs with the land” and was granted by letter in this case, this official determination is necessary to extinguish the nonconforming use designation. A copy of Manteca Municipal Code, Section 17.55.020, is included for your reference to the necessary elapsed time periods fulfilling the extinguishment requirements.

I remain committed to seeing this rehabilitation project through and greatly desire your willing cooperation in this matter. I stand ready to talk with you, meet with you, or make any other needed information or documented evidence available to you in closing this matter.

Please mail your current determination of the zoning and land use designation to me...

Please mail a copy to my attorney...

Sincerely yours,

Attachments: City of Manteca letter of June 29, 1993; Requests for Admissions; MMC 17.55.020.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Attachment #1: Original grant of nonconforming use status (obtained by deceit)

Attachment #2: Admission of discontinuance of nonconforming use (found in this post.)

Attachment #3: Manteca Municipal Code, Section 17.55.020, Nonconforming buildings and uses