Monday, February 28, 2011

Another Unhappy Manteca Camper

... smashed by a careening catering truck...
Those who forsake the law praise the wicked, but those who keep the law resist them. Evil men do not understand justice, but those who seek the Lord understand it fully. When the wicked rise to power, people go into hiding; but when the wicked perish, the righteous thrive. (NIV Proverbs 28:4-5,28)

A new comment was made regarding this post from May, 2010. (I could not resist re-posting it here, where it will make the Neighbors From Hell, Volume V, printing later this year.) The commenter visits our often revisited theme that City of Manteca leadership and enforcement - or more specifically, the glaring lack of those qualities - are major detriments to this city. Missing these allows scofflaws and scumbags to reign supreme, to ride roughshod over any concepts of law, order, decency, neighborliness.

February 27, 2011
Anonymous said...

LORD! I hated this town since purchased home I thought was "in country." Stating this place is like OLD south in roughly 40-50's isn't covering blatant harrassing of familys, individuals here. Police do nothing I have seen that should be noted nor awarded.

They pull gun on dogs, old folks, discharge arms, then PYOB. Police each other BADLY, excuse, excuse.

Soldiers @ war, disabled seniors, do not get any assist: unless it is "out of town" (officated by local officers, act like children play games) Waste of tax money, air, and life in general . . .

- - - - - - - - - - -

Judging from the context, I take PYOB to be defined as "police each other badly" - also known as selective enforcement, closing ranks, and covering up.

Or, consulting the Urban Dictionary and other sources, it could mean:
  • Pour your own bottle (A higher class variation of BYOB, bring your own bottle)
  • Post your own babes (C'mon, guys, quit recycling other posters' chick pics!)
  • Pull your own boner (Uhn... something to do with Manteca's leaders?)
... etc.

- - - - - - - - - - -

Volume 4, the second half of 2010, is not pictured
Volume 5 now in progress


Thursday, February 24, 2011

The Grand BDG Skedaddle

Description: "Man walking dogs in the 'Grand Skedaddle' of the inhabitants from Charleston, S. C., when threatened by an attack from the Federal troops. When General Brannan made his daring and successful dash upon the railroad between Pocotaligo and Coosawhatchie the terror both in Savannah and Charleston was very great. Despite the fact that General Beauregard with thirty thousand troops was stationed midway between the cities a restless desire for flight took possession of thousands, and for three days the roads to the interior were crowded with as miscellaneous a group as that which marched into Noah's ark. Lieutenant Kirby, of the Forty-seventh Massachusetts Regiment, being then a prisoner, had an excellent opportunity of sketching this motley stream of humanity. But our sketch renders all further description unnecessary."— Frank Leslie, 1896 [Source: Frank Leslie, Famous Leaders and Battle Scenes of the Civil War (New York: Mrs. Frank Leslie, 1896)302]
web source

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

Imagine the impotent frustration of Manteca's spayed/neutered Animal Control Department!

It has now been one and one-half years - and four separate contacts - since Lyin' Lynda was reported with too many animals (dogs, cats, chickens) on her property. And guess what? Despite warnings, notices, and citations, there are still too many animals on her property. The dumbass doper, L/L, just ignores the city ordinance, flips off the city officers, and continues to do as she pleases.

As I said last week, "Yep, Lying' Lynda is real good at sniffing ass ... er, sniffing out... dog catchers..."

So good, in fact, that after the latest complaint was logged, the Circus Ringmistress loaded up everybody - and four of the dogs - and disappeared for a week. The two big black junkyard dogs stayed the entire week and were visited daily for feeding/watering.

In the dust of the departing caravan, cometh Animal Control!

No doubt, a most thorough and intensive investigation took place, wherein the intrepid officer managed *not* to attract the attention of the two junkyard dogs, animals who spend their entire days lounging behind the driveway gate and barking at *every* jogger and dog walker, *every* baby carriage stroller and soccer mom car parker who happens to pass or park in front of the BDG's house.

These environmental facts lead me to disbelieve the second sentence of the officer's report. I also take umbrage at the insinuation I cannot count - or lie about it [ you say.] - and that I must somehow do their job [proving the count] for these highly trained officers. (Lyin' Lynda's part in this FUBAR is to supply the lies.)

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Thu 2/24/2011
Closed Request # 593614
Your request # 593614 has been resolved with the resolution:

I been [sic] out to Lynda's house and no one seems to be home or they just don't answer the door, I have not heard or seen any dogs while I was there. I will at least call her and advise her if she has a machine that code enforcement will be taking over. since I have already issued her a citation and she has not got rid of some of her dogs as you say, The code enforcement team will taking over.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Lyin' Lynda and Resectioned Red snuck home a week later (yesterday), after giving Animal Control the slip.

What an amazing coincidence that the BDG's ditched the day after I filed the complaint, and returned the very evening before Animal Control closed the on-line case!

Another oddity is that Corkscrewed Green did not return with them. That was really funny! R/R and L/L had to tiptoe around yesterday afternoon because Corkscrewed is their doggie doo-doo picker-upper and a week's worth of "sole surprise" lay about. (What a life! Picking up shit for those two... just sayin'...)

........Oh, Rapturous Day! Calloo! Callay!, I chortle in my joy.

........They're sending in the code enforcement team?! Really?

........My complaint is being kicked "upstairs"? From the bench warmers to the second string?

Now we're really gonna see some code enforcement ass kickin'!

{Lyin' Lynda loves Manteca's CE circus clowns!}


Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Couldn't Stay Gone, Could You?

BDG's return Wednesday, 2/23/2011, 1:50 p.m.


Monday, February 21, 2011

Sing Along: "Lynda's Boxes In Manteca, All Made Out of Ticky-Tacky"

Little Boxes, San Leandro, All Made Out of Ticky-Tacky...
On a hillside: Bay-O-Vista Development.
Access: I-580 to San Leandro; exit Estudillo East; right on Benedict Dr.; left on View Dr.
Local High School: San Leandro H.S. (Home of the Pirates - "Arrgghh!")
Sample street names: Skyview, Marineview, Harborview, Longview, Lakeview.

Little Boxes, by Malvina Reynolds (she sings it here; click Season 1, Episode 1)

Little boxes on the hillside,
Little boxes made of ticky-tacky,
Little boxes, little boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.

There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.

And the people in the houses
All go to the university,
And they all get put in boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.

And there's doctors and there's lawyers
And business executives,
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.

And they all play on the golf-course,
And drink their Martini dry,
And they all have pretty children,
And the children go to school.

And the children go to summer camp
And then to the university,
And they all get put in boxes
And they all come out the same.

And the boys go into business,
And marry, and raise a family,
And they all get put in boxes,
Little boxes, all the same.

There's a green one and a pink one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky-tacky
And they all look just the same.

See Malvina Reynolds: Song Lyrics and Poems at

Ms. Reynolds' song is a scathing swipe at the urban development patterns of Daly City, across the bay from San Leandro, but easily lends itself to any and all up-the-hillside developments.

The song also has direct application to Lyin' Lynda's half-acre compound on semi-rural Fishback Street (but still R-1 zoning) in flat-as-a-pancake Manteca, California. Every time I see L/L's pot shacks, or smell the odiferous cloud billowing from her Smokehouse, this song runs through my head.

During L/L's first season it was the big, white tent for her Wacky Tabacky (click Weeds Season 1, Episode 5 for the song by the NRBQ).

Then L/L's second season starts off with the Ticky-Tacky growing sheds ...

... kinda like houses and hotels on a Monopoly(c) Park Avenue...

...or whatever the heck those folks in the UK use as place names.

... or, a line of TLC migrant worker houses.

Photo credit

Ahhh, here comes the song again... "There's a green one, and a red one, and there's a yellow one, And they all are ticky-tacky, and they all reek just the same." Where I smell dopers, Lyin' Lynda sniffs money. "To hell with any laws," says she.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

My recently acquired insights into the seamy scam known as the Compaaaasionate Use Act of 1996 (aka, California's Medical Marijuana law; aka, de facto legalization):
  • pushed by evil (the kingpin power brokers and money launderers)
  • enacted by greed and blackmail (purchased lawyers masquerading as state legislators)
  • abetted by corruption (toothless, spineless local politicians; hamstrung or dirty law enforcement; and a morbidly obese and deadly flatulent legal system)
  • abused by riff-raff (the parasitic "takers" of society, who voted themselves a legal "right" to stupidity and given a special entitlement of protected status)
  • protected and enforced by violent scum (street muscle who extort, rape, and kill the gold-laying geese)
  • allowed to exist by the completely apathetic ("none of my business"), or the futily disorganized and ineffectual ("what can one person do?"), or the abjectly misguided ("victimless crime", "revenue source", "free country") majority of residents of the Great State of California.
Very interesting entertainment that Showtime series, Weeds.

- - -

And where did that second TLC Catering truck go? I suppose the BDG's are going to grow their primo weed here in Manteca and distribute it elsewhere via a network of Asian/Indian/Mexican catering trucks. What a perfect retail cover business! Cash business; low inventories: extreme mobility for sales, sales prospecting, and bulk movements; malleable menu condiments ("Want I sprinkle summa this guarniciĆ³n on that for ya?"); deep fryers, grease traps, toilets for contraband disappearance before a bust; "no speek eenglase" defense while being questioned.

Of course, it'd be lots easier just to poke packets through the chain link fence between them and the high school. (But none of the three looks like Mary-Louise Parker! "We show you our faces, You're gone without traces..."  just sayin'...)

And the grow shed power consumption problem? "No problem!" crows Lyin' Lynda. "We got us'ns seven huge solar panels on the property to run these here growing sheds."

Of course, the Manteca Building Permit Department did NOT issue a permit for the photovoltaic system to Lyin' Lynda Allen. No... for some unknown reason, the photovoltaic permit was issued in 2004 to build the system on L/L's property, but the owners of the system were listed as the next door octogenarians, Roger and Flora Stewart of 786 Fishback Street. These people were totally unrelated to L/L and no City documentation to show a power-sharing contractual relationship between the two properties and owners. In fact, Roger had died (87 years old) a year before this permit was pulled, and Flora, his wife, 82 years old when the permit was pulled, died eighteen months later. Is this just another business-as-usual screw-up by the City of Manteca? Or, yet another example of Lyin' Lynda intimidating and defrauding the elderly neighbor woman? Who would be stupid enough, or frightened enough, or swindled enough, to lend their good name to Lyin' Lynda?

Oh... and TWO 10x12 growing sheds? Just how much dope do three honest women need? They should be very careful about spreading their joy painkiller around. Here's a cautionary tale from the Manteca Bulletin just before Valentine's Day.

Manteca Bulletin story (Feb 12th)

Manteca Bulletin story followup (Feb 13th)

News 10 story with a slideshow

{whistling the catchy tune} "Lynda's boxes in Manteca, B-D-G's growing ticky-tacky..." {whistling, whistling} "... and they all reek just the same."


Friday, February 18, 2011

A Horse of That Colour

Surreal Zorses (here
MARIA: My purpose is, indeed, a horse of that colour....

For this night, to bed, and dream on the event. Farewell.


SIR TOBY BELCH: Good night, Penthesilea.

SIR ANDREW: Before me, she's a good wench.

SIR TOBY BELCH: She's a beagle, true-bred, and one that adores me: what o' that?

SIR ANDREW: I was adored once, too.

(Shakespeare, Twelfth Night, Act 2, Scene 3)

Ah, but the dreams I have of Baskerville hounds...

. . . . .

Lions and Tigers and BDG's! Oh, my!


Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Feb 2011... Sniffing Out Manteca Animal Control

Running With His Five Other K9 Friends...

Yep, Lying' Lynda is real good at sniffing ass ... er, sniffing out... dog catchers, police officers, lawyers, and process servers. She can also sniff up the back side ... er, sniff up to... various white trash, catering truck drivers, insurance agents, and drug dealers. A finely honed life skill that a life-long NFH should be real proud of...

{Just sayin'...}

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
February 2011
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Wed 2/16/2011
New Request # 593614
Request type: Other (animals)
Description: Too many dogs/cats on residential lot.

(p.s. Lynda, Theresa or Corky, one is always home.)

* history cited *

{See ya next month...}

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
January 2011
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Manteca-CRM: Closed Request # 574732
Sent: Tue 1/25/2011 7:29 AM
Your request # 574732 has been resolved with the resolution:
Lynda hasn't been home for me to check on the # of animals, so I'll be issuing her a citation through the mail in regards to having to [sic] many animals.

[Ref this post]

- - - - - - - - - -
Mon 1/17/2011 6:12 PM
New Request # 574732
The Complaint you submitted was:
Request type: Other (animals)
Location: 810 Fishback Street
Description: Too many animals on the property. MMC only allows three dogs/cats per lot.
9/1/10 - Courtesy Notice # 6408
9/22/10 - Owners warned by officer
9/23/10 - Citation issued
1/17/11 - All six dogs and a cat still there...

[Ref this post]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
September 2010
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Thu 9/23/2010 1:16 PM
Your request # 463677 has been resolved with the resolution:
Yesterday 9/22/10 I went out to 810 Fishback to see if they have gotten rid of any of her dogs yet. Lynda said her dogs are too old to find new homes for and they are her kids. I went back out today to 810 Fishback and issued Lynda a citation for too many dogs.

[Ref this post]

- - - - - - - - - -
Mon 9/20/2010 2:46 PM
New Request # 463677
Request type: Other (animals)
Description: The owners keep six dogs on the residential property. Code only allows for three dogs and/or cats. Ref: Courtesy Notice 6408, 01Sep2010.

[Ref this post]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
August/September 2010
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Wed 9/1/2010 10:55 AM
Manteca-CRM: Closed Request # 455062
Your request # 455062 has been resolved with the resolution:
I went to 810 Fishback and Issued Courtesy Notice 6408 to Lynda advising her she is only allowed to have 3 dogs on her property, and the others she would need to fine [sic] homes for.

[Ref this post]

- - - - - - - - - -
Tue 8/31/2010 6:52 PM
Manteca-CRM: New Request # 455062
The Complaint you submitted was:
Request type: Other (animals)
Description: The owners keep six dogs on the residential property. Code only allows for three dogs and/or cats.

[See this post for pictures of the six cutest living organisms on the property... {the others are dogs.}]

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
September/November 2009
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
November 18, 2009 request for review of Animal Control screw-up. Even with a follow up second request a couple months later, my question went completely unanswered.
... It appears that P. Miller in Animal Control interprets the subsection to allow five dogs on a single R-1 lot.

Please let me know whether the MMC subsection is correct (3 dogs allowed) or the Animal Control citation is correct (5 dogs allowed).

Sincerely yours,
- - - - - - - - - -
9/8/09 Courtesy Notice cock-up:
(Especially note the Remark: "Two houses on property" and immediately below that the accounting: "3 dogs - 2 dogs.")

- - - - - - - - - -

September 8, 2009

The Mother of All Dogs

... Brassey appeared suddenly, looking like a cartoonish, apoplectic bulldog barrelling down on me. Pausing, dipping, she picked up a garden hose, spun the faucet wide open, and continued the charge....

{for daring to turn in her "babies"...}
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

- - - - -

To be completely candid, I'd rather have all the dogs stay and the owners go.

Just sayin'...


Monday, February 14, 2011

Summary Judgment on Bong Art Copyright Ripoff

Build This Bong: Instructions and Diagrams
for 40 Bongs, Pipes and Hookahs

Home-growing dopers can check out this
exciting DIY manual at this Amazon listing!

I just knew there might be something that Lyin' Lynda may be able to build without tarps. It's a very good thing, though, that she has Resectioned Red to keep her ass out of a legal sling, seeing as how R/R has Patent Office experience (yea, yea... that's gotta be close enough to copyright experience.)

Funny things come up when "summary judgment" is Googled (c).

Plaintiff author wins summary judgment on ripoff of bong illustration, below, from his book, above.
T-shirt defendant rips off inventor's published artwork

Two familiar-sounding quotes from the plaintiff's intellectual property attorney's blog (although L/L nor her attorney understand "intellectual" anything):
Defendant’s second argument disappeared like a puff of smoke, created by use for medicinal purposes only.
. . .
Defendant’s third argument, which may have been formulated in a smoke filled room, claimed...

Gee, those paragraph introductions sound like I could have written them.

It is very apparent that significant commonalities and impairments are shared by dope smokers, whether they live at 810 Fishback Street in the City of Manteca, or not.


Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Manteca Sleeper Cell Pretends Christian Piety


Recitation of facts

For history on the sudden appearance of the yard radio immediately after the lawsuit for illegal land use was filed on Lyin' Lynda in May 2009, see [this post]. This is how L/L added spiteful noise to nuisance noise for daring to question her bona fides (which she ain't got!)

In April 2010, L/L was charged with P.C. 415(2), Disturbing the Peace, with her outdoor radio playing. See [this post] for the back story.

In July 2010 the outdoor radio was rolled into the civil lawsuit charging illegal land use (catering business on a residential lot) and creating nuisance noise, see [this post].

On a repeat Disturbing the Peace offense, L/L was arrested on January 16th. See [this post] for the story of the citizen's arrest (catch and release).

Commentary on Lyin' Lynda'a statements to police

Crime Report 2011-1362 narrates the events surrounding Lyin' Lynda's latest arrest. The gist of the report is that the officer understood her phony call for police service ninety minutes earlier, he plainly saw her manipulative actions on that first visit, and he experienced her utter predictability for making a patience-straining nuisance of herself, necessitating my second call of the morning.

Give the bitch credit for BIG BRASSEY BALLS because, even in this extremity, straight from the horse's ass mouth came these two supposed defenses:
"Allen stated she was listening to Christian music and used her outdoor speakers because she did not have indoor speakers."

Never at any time have I differentiated what kind of music or sports L/L has played on her infernal radio. The responding officer apparently agreed with that stance; a noise disruption is a noise disruption, the "flavor" of the disruption makes no difference. There is no infringement on one's God-given right to worship how, where, or what one may, provided there is no infringement on another's right to do the same - in this case, quietly and without someone else's choice of music or sports being forced upon him.

Did I mention before that I believe NOTHING that comes out of that horse's ass mouth. Like lawyers, if Lyin' Lynda's mouth is moving, she's lying. One reason I find her lack of speakers defense totally unbelievable is that during the summer and fall of 2010 L/L spent tens of thousands of dollars on a total home makeover, inside and out, including a giant Sony TV for her north-facing bedroom living room, yet "she did not have indoor speakers."

A second reason I do not believe her "no speakers" statement is the existence of at least two stereo speaker systems in her piles of yard junk on June 5, 2010. And who knows how many rock speakers she has lying around, as well?

Of course, NONE of the foregoing will make any impression on L/L's drug-sotted mind. The only thing the officer told her - or, the only thing that caught her slow-witted attention - was this:
"Allen was also informed of the Manteca Municipal Ordinance which states she may be billed for police services should we be called again for the music."

Ah, finally! The police are talking her language, which is...

Prayer, no. Parsimony, yes!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Three Sheets To The Wind...

Hey-Ho! Hey-Ho!
Jack Sparrow sails to the rescue
of the Barefoot Dirty Girls

Lyin' Lynda probably thought she could rig up some tarp sails because she saw pictures of sailboats on the walls of the attorney/mediator's office last December (or because she could see boats on San Pablo Bay from the foot of Tennent Avenue in Pinole when she was a wee lass.) Regardless, the Tarp Slut Tarp Whore Tarp Queen set sail...

Then Mother Nature took care of business

On January 27th I submitted a picture of Lynda's public erection to the City of Manteca Code Enforcement Department in the hope that the sheer perversity of this "sail" - this overheight fence addition - would produce action. (You and I can both guess what actions they took. {fart}) Whether they took action or not is now immaterial.

7:05 a.m.
Broken strut on left and on right,
bowing strut on right, discontinuous crosspiece on top

A little after 3:00 a.m. this morning, February 8, 2011, a gentle breeze started to blow. As it grew stronger, the sails were luffing and popping, and soon the Mickey Mouse supports were being wrenched to and fro, finally snapping, guy wires and ropes strained, and the whole juvenile assembly threatened to loose itself from its moorings and sail away.

But, wait! you exclaim. Where are sheets #2 and #3?

Oh... I see I did not show you the entire rigging earlier. There really were three sheets in the wind * this morning:

"Sails" between Smokehouse and main house

The strengthening wind provided great lifting and shearing actions and the upper left corner of the brown tarp got loose from the Smokehouse eave, threatening to take out the surveillance camera tucked up behind it. With the other corner still attached to the vulnerable cable and whipping it like crazy, yet another surveillance camera on the main house was imperiled.

The blue tarp was wired to the fruitless mulberry on the right, and the supporting 2x4 on the left was nailed to the rickety fence and the even more rickety "fence height extenders" (scrap wire and plywood pieces - true White Trash construction! What d'ya expect from three dopers?) This sail was threatening to knock down Lyin' Lynda's precious sound-permeable fence - regardless of the several layers of horizontal repurposed fence boards nailed across the back.

The lights came on in the shanty shed at 4:00 a.m. as Corkscrewed Green knocked about, trying to figure out how to strike the tarps, which were really flapping up a storm by now.

I vacillated, with my finger on the cell phone Call button, as questions swirled in my head. Do I call MPD with yet another disturbing the peace charge? Did code enforcement do anything at all regarding these nuisances and violations? Where is my chain saw?

At 6:05 a.m. the Silver Bullet pickup arrived with the BDG's current worker boy toy. What astounding response time these prigs rate! Who else demands and receives 6:00 a.m. service? Of course, this is the same laborer who hammered and tied up these abominations under the careful and personal supervision of Lyin' Lynda, Resectioned Red and Corkscrewed.

A little after 7:00 a.m. all the sails were down, furled, and stowed.

What CAN'T the BDG's build with a tarp and a few nails? They were all three sheets in the wind (intoxicated, doped, impaired) on this latest round. I can't wait to see their next asinine slip-and-fall, their next shoot-themselves-in-the-foot stunt, their next cannabis overdose Yellow Submarine quest.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -
* Robert Louis Stevenson was as instrumental in inventing the imagery of 'yo ho ho and a bottle of rum' piracy as his countryman and contemporary Sir Walter Scott was in inventing the tartan and shortbread 'Bonnie Scotland'. Stevenson used the 'tipsy' version [ed: single sheet] of the phrase in Treasure Island, 1883 - the book that gave us 'X marks the spot', 'shiver me timbers' and the archetypal one-legged, parrot-carrying pirate, Long John Silver. He gave Silver the line:
"Maybe you think we were all a sheet in the wind's eye. But I'll tell you I was sober; "

Arrrgh! quoth L/L...


Friday, February 4, 2011

Why Verse? Why Limerick?


“So what you’re saying is that I write poetry because underneath my mean callous heartless exterior I really just want to be loved,” he said. He paused, “Is that right?”

Ford laughed a nervous laugh. “Well, I mean, yes,” he said, “don’t we all, deep down, you know … er …”

The Vogon stood up. “No, well, you’re completely wrong,” he said, “I just write poetry to throw my mean callous heartless exterior into sharp relief. I’m going to throw you off the ship anyway. [ed: spaceship] Guard! Take the prisoners to number three airlock and throw them out!” (The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams)

- - - - - - - - -

“Life,” said Marvin dolefully, “loathe it or ignore it, you can’t like it.”
One of the major difficulties Trillian experienced in her relationship with Zaphod was learning to distinguish between him pretending to be stupid just to get people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because he couldn’t be bothered to think and wanted someone else to do it for him, pretending to be outrageously stupid to hide the fact that he actually didn’t understand what was going on, and really being genuinely stupid. He was renowned for being amazingly clever and quite clearly was so—but not all the time, which obviously worried him, hence the act. He preferred people to be puzzled rather than contemptuous. This above all appeared to Trillian to be genuinely stupid, but she could no longer be bothered to argue about it. (Ibid)

- - - - - - - - -

The limerick* packs laughs anatomical
In space that is quite economical,
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.

  *(pronounced "lim'rick" to preserve meter)
Gershon Legman, who compiled the largest and most scholarly anthology, held that the true limerick as a folk form is always obscene, and cites similar opinions by Arnold Bennett and George Bernard Shaw. From a folkloric point of view, the form is essentially transgressive; violation of taboo is part of its function.

From Limerick on Wikipedia.

- - - - - - - - -

Like Trillian, I become extremely bored arguing against Lyin' Lynda's amazing cleverness and monumental stupidity. (Or, amazingly and monumentally stupid cleverness. See? It really doesn't matter how you mix the four words.) She is such an easy target because she constantly supplies all the insipid, tasteless, illegal, immoral, and stupefyingly moronic anecdotes to fill volumes. How any person can function like that on a daily basis is grounds for incredulity! I have been incredulous for four years now!!

It is not merely the boredom, but recognizing the rare opportunity of catching these neighbors and more than a few City of Manteca officials with their pants down (and their panties twisted in knots), that drives me to document the twisted turns of events and even more twisted personalities. Verse lends itself to painting the necessary pictures; it is more powerful and descriptive than photographs of the scrubby, obnoxious degenerates who foul the earth, wind, and water just to the south and those who desecrate city hall.

The absolutely most appropriate verse form for this most abhorrent task is limerick, as explained above and applied below.
  • Lyin' Lynda is transgressive; she ignores and violates every law of the city and state; she transgresses every law of God, nature and humanity.
  • Lyin' Lynda is a violation of taboo; in the eyes of Manteca officialdom, she is taboo, a Goddess, off-limits, "Don't tell", contraband; yet she violates all those proscriptions.
  • Lyin' Lynda is obscene; her middle finger in the air, her public erections (all documented in this blog) - her mere existence - offends decency and contravenes community standards. That she has avoided apprehension all these years is an obscene tribute to her murine appearance, her serpentine double-tonguing, and the asinine, blind city officials.

Thus we see that Lyin' Lynda is the embodiment of Limerick.

- - -

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe is one of the most
extraordinary ventures in the entire history of catering.
(Guide, ibid.)

TLC Catering? "We're #2! We're #2!

_ _ _


Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Just How Stupid Is This Woman?

    Tarp "sail" on left - January 26th
    Tarp "roof extension" on right - January 31st
The only thing Lyin' Lynda knows how to do perfectly is... how to do everything wrong. Putting up these tarps is a perfect measure of L/L's mental capacities. When she paid all of Resectioned Red's inheritance money to contractors, the results look pretty good. (Of course, it wasn't until after the expenditures that L/L cottoned to the fact she couldn't sell the property.) But the instant she puts her amateurish hand to something like this, what we see is White Trash Architecture at its finest.

Other earlier examples:

Plywood sound barriers?

Randomly spaced picket offsets

Award-winning repurposed fence boards

- - - - -

  • Lyin' Lynda had a noisy and illegal business operation on her property. Was she stupid enough to think I would not pursue her with civil complaints throughout 2008 and a lawsuit in May 2009?
  • Lyin' Lynda added to, then replaced, the business noise with yard radio nuisance noise. Was she stupid enough to think I would not pursue her with criminal charges in April 2010 and January 2011?
  • Lyin' Lynda pretends she is Sarah Winchester and keeps building more shit without permits. Is she stupid enough to think I will not follow up with administrative complaints?
  • Lyin' Lynda cannot read and she cannot count. (After all, she attended Pinole High School... just sayin’…) Why else would she be stupid enough to ignore the law and keep six dogs? Does she not know I will assist her to overcome her deficiencies? And her excesses?
  • Lyin' Lynda got an "owie" and took "medical retirement;" now she and her lovers gotta smoke "medical" marijuana just to make it through the long daylight hours. (Don't worry, they got each other to keep warm at night.) Was she stupid enough to think I would not ensure that her home-growing operation met city code, especially since it is right next to a high school? Is she still stupid enough to think I will not watch for illegal actions regarding her new venture?
  • Lyin' Lynda has since October 2010 harassed me with unwarranted video surveillance. Was she stupid enough to think I would not return her favors with my own counter-surveillance?

The depths of this depraved soul's double standard are manifest in her blocking my cameras’ views, but leaving her camera’s view unblocked. (Whatcha' got to hide, L/L?)

Does this stupid woman not know I will continue pursuing the objective of improving the world ridding her from my life.

What this stupid woman has never figured out in the four years I’ve been helping her can never figure out is that the fence line is where her intrusions must STOP! (Somehow, she views the fence as her jumping off point…?)

Illegal businesses and noise…
Outside radio…
Dogs, cats, chickens…
Building permit violations…
Marijuana smoke…

If Lyin’ Lynda’s presence STOPPED at the fence line, we could live in peace.
As long as she continues intruding her presence, we live at war.

Ignorance, laziness, willfulness, and other human conditions can be controlled or improved, with varying degrees of success. But STUPID cannot be fixed – and DRUGGED STUPID is unalterable. As long as this stupid woman continues to contravene law, ignore city codes, harass her neighbors, and intrude her abjectly pathetic life onto others, I will continue to wear the title…

"Lyin' Lynda's... Warden?... Babysitter?... Neighbor From Hell?"

Ah, here's a simple test of the reader's knowledge of human nature: Two parties call each other the Neighbor From Hell. One of the parties vehemently denies the label and clamors unceasingly regarding innocence. The other party reluctantly accepts the label, knowing from the beginning that the badge would be pinned on him, yet must continue the fight despite the fiery darts of the adversary.

"That is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them?"

(Hamlet, Act 3, Scene 1)

That is the "Solomonic" question: Which one is the Neighbor From Hell?

I loosely paraphrase Ford Prefect in The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy,
If Lyin' Lynda doesn’t keep exercising her lips, her mouth would probably seize up. After a few months’ consideration and observation he abandoned this theory in favor of a new one. If she doesn’t keep on exercising her lips, her brain would start working. After a while he abandoned this one as well as being obstructively cynical.