MUSD: 1; NsFH: -59

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New Sierra High practice field gate on Fishback Street

I am impressed! Thank you, Nancy Teicheira and MUSD staff!

Beginning around 8:00 this morning, personnel from the Manteca Unified School District actually followed through on one of my suggestions for relieving traffic pressure, blood pressure, and bladder and bowel pressure - all at the same time. Noted on the picture above is Fishback Street's new gate onto the practice field.

The offending after-school Pop Warner Football and Cheer drivers can now drop off and pick up their precious Johnnies and Suzies without stoppering up my driveway. Those who stay all night - the block party parasites - their offensive communal collection of bodily effluents can also be moved farther away from its original placement on my driveway; better their spawn play downwind of it, than I suffer it.

It's Been One Hour...!

I didn’t go before we left
Anticipating plastic cleft
And deep, dark hole with noxious fumes
Enough to fill a house of rooms
With pleading voice, “Oh, coach, may I…?
It’s been one hour- I’ll nearly die!”

Who moved that pot whereon I sat
And listened as my shit went, Splat?
Where tinkle drizzled down my leg?
(Same stuff as from my Daddy’s keg?)
So hot and smelly but, Oh my,
It’s been one hour- I’ll nearly die!

They say it kills -or makes you strong!
(All Chargers know they could be wrong)
I run, I jump with all my powers
I dance, and chant, all evening hours
So full of piss I almost cry
“It’s been one hour- I’ll nearly die!”


(iambic tetrameter) .

Pop Warner Shit Shack

...

Manteca Unified School District

Attn: Nancy Teicheira

2271 West Louise Avenue

Manteca, CA 95337

August 2, 2012

Dear Mrs. Teicheira,

Greetings, as we meet again over an issue of paramount importance to me.

At a school board meeting last year, I met with you and MUSD staff regarding a portable toilet which on July 22, 2011, had been delivered and attached to the chain link fence bordering my driveway- in effect, ON MY DRIVEWAY! From that placement, in line with the prevailing NW winds of Manteca, its pungent plume blew continuously through my house at 786 Fishback Street.

That odorous object has appeared again this same week in 2012, in the same objectionable spot. This is the final straw that breaks this camel’s back for the second year running.

[pic, above]

For many years prior, never before seen, the offending structure appeared last year for the first time. The immediate effect was physically nauseating. I believe the outhouse was(is) rented from A & A Portables by the Pop Warner League, who, in turn, rents the practice field bordering my property from the Manteca Unified School District for six months out of every year. Last year’s expediency was to remove the shit shack approximately 100 feet northward along the MUSD’s Fishback Street fence line.

Apparently, your insensate renter’s lazy vendor could not be bothered to repeat last year’s plan this year.

Two other, more permanent, solutions include:

1. Opening up the restrooms behind Teicheira Stadium as part of the rental agreement. Those facilities have the design, functionality, and enclosure to handle the massive amounts of sewer effluent generated by Johnnie, Suzie, Mommy, Poppie, and all the other Pop Warner groupies who camp out in front of my house for four hours every night for six months every year.

2. Remove the gate from its present location next to my driveway, northward to about where the other eyesore structure is located on your practice field, or around the corner on Thomas Street.
.          a. This action has a precedent set when the other MUSD gate a few yards southward on Fishback Street was welded shut and the gates on Wawona Street were prescribed for use by Pop Warner aficionados.
.          b. This solution has the added advantage of dissipating the traffic congestion in front of my driveway, including the illegal parking and driveway blocking by self-absorbed “helicopter” parents.

Mrs. Teicheira, please see to it: A) that this nuisance is dealt with immediately, and B) that a long term solution is arrived at. I do not desire to ask you to this dance again next year.


Sincerely,

___________________________
Richard Behling,
A nauseated Manteca property owner

Copies to:

Pop Warner/Manteca Chargers
821 West Yosemite Ave
Manteca, Ca 95337

A & A Portables
201 Roscoe Road
Modesto, CA 95357

Manteca Bulletin
531 E. Yosemite Avenue
Manteca, CA 95336

* * * * *
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[ed. note: shit shack moved northward 100 feet on Wednesday, 8 Aug 2012.]
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Three Sheets To The Wind...

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Hey-Ho! Hey-Ho!
Jack Sparrow sails to the rescue
of the Barefoot Dirty Girls

Lyin' Lynda probably thought she could rig up some tarp sails because she saw pictures of sailboats on the walls of the attorney/mediator's office last December (or because she could see boats on San Pablo Bay from the foot of Tennent Avenue in Pinole when she was a wee lass.) Regardless, the Tarp Slut Tarp Whore Tarp Queen set sail...

Then Mother Nature took care of business

On January 27th I submitted a picture of Lynda's public erection to the City of Manteca Code Enforcement Department in the hope that the sheer perversity of this "sail" - this overheight fence addition - would produce action. (You and I can both guess what actions they took. {fart}) Whether they took action or not is now immaterial.


7:05 a.m.
Broken strut on left and on right,
bowing strut on right, discontinuous crosspiece on top

A little after 3:00 a.m. this morning, February 8, 2011, a gentle breeze started to blow. As it grew stronger, the sails were luffing and popping, and soon the Mickey Mouse supports were being wrenched to and fro, finally snapping, guy wires and ropes strained, and the whole juvenile assembly threatened to loose itself from its moorings and sail away.

But, wait! you exclaim. Where are sheets #2 and #3?

Oh... I see I did not show you the entire rigging earlier. There really were three sheets in the wind * this morning:


"Sails" between Smokehouse and main house

The strengthening wind provided great lifting and shearing actions and the upper left corner of the brown tarp got loose from the Smokehouse eave, threatening to take out the surveillance camera tucked up behind it. With the other corner still attached to the vulnerable cable and whipping it like crazy, yet another surveillance camera on the main house was imperiled.

The blue tarp was wired to the fruitless mulberry on the right, and the supporting 2x4 on the left was nailed to the rickety fence and the even more rickety "fence height extenders" (scrap wire and plywood pieces - true White Trash construction! What d'ya expect from three dopers?) This sail was threatening to knock down Lyin' Lynda's precious sound-permeable fence - regardless of the several layers of horizontal repurposed fence boards nailed across the back.

The lights came on in the shanty shed at 4:00 a.m. as Corkscrewed Green knocked about, trying to figure out how to strike the tarps, which were really flapping up a storm by now.

I vacillated, with my finger on the cell phone Call button, as questions swirled in my head. Do I call MPD with yet another disturbing the peace charge? Did code enforcement do anything at all regarding these nuisances and violations? Where is my chain saw?

At 6:05 a.m. the Silver Bullet pickup arrived with the BDG's current worker boy toy. What astounding response time these prigs rate! Who else demands and receives 6:00 a.m. service? Of course, this is the same laborer who hammered and tied up these abominations under the careful and personal supervision of Lyin' Lynda, Resectioned Red and Corkscrewed.

A little after 7:00 a.m. all the sails were down, furled, and stowed.

What CAN'T the BDG's build with a tarp and a few nails? They were all three sheets in the wind (intoxicated, doped, impaired) on this latest round. I can't wait to see their next asinine slip-and-fall, their next shoot-themselves-in-the-foot stunt, their next cannabis overdose Yellow Submarine quest.

.
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
* Robert Louis Stevenson was as instrumental in inventing the imagery of 'yo ho ho and a bottle of rum' piracy as his countryman and contemporary Sir Walter Scott was in inventing the tartan and shortbread 'Bonnie Scotland'. Stevenson used the 'tipsy' version [ed: single sheet] of the phrase in Treasure Island, 1883 - the book that gave us 'X marks the spot', 'shiver me timbers' and the archetypal one-legged, parrot-carrying pirate, Long John Silver. He gave Silver the line:

"Maybe you think we were all a sheet in the wind's eye. But I'll tell you I was sober; "

Arrrgh! quoth L/L...

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Hey, Lantz, Look! It's A 20-Foot Wall, After All!

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Circle the wagons Marijuana Sheds!

BDG's Tuesday morning property configuration 

But by Tuesday evening...
Not enough! Build a wall!



Display of other-world ability for tasteless architecture
by Frank Lloyd "Lyin' Lynda" Wright

These benighted women still have not learned that property rights have very little to do with an actual piece of dirt, but much more to do with conforming to community standards of behavior (municipal laws) and not exporting their noxious (and incredibly stupid) lives onto others.

This episode is a developing response to my recent response to the BDG's pathological and never-ending intrusions and invasions onto my property and into my life. They have not let up since I got here - despite a few bumbling actions by the city, and despite a lawsuit (now almost two years old) against them.

Notice the letter date, March 5, 2008, when I documented my very first visit with Lantz Rey of Manteca's Planning Department with a proposal to build a freeway-style sound wall on the property line.

Request #: 127445 Entered: 03/11/2008 1:27 PM
Status: Closed
Request Type: Complaint
Topic: Noise (other than animals)
Incident Time: Continuous
Incident Date:
Description: From: Lantz Rey in the Planning Division

On March 5th I received a letter from Richard Behling who lives at 786 Fishback Road. Mr. Behling had previously been into City hall to talk with Planning about putting up a masonry wall between his property and 810 Fishback. ...

His response was essentially, "Rather than create a variance condition, why not take care of the real problem?" He has since been promoted to a position where he can do some real damage good.

Sounds great, doesn't it? But then I discovered where the "real problem" lies...

The trouble is that for the next year, every single city department and official, including the police chief speaking for the city manager - and especially those Five-Zeros, the city council - told me in flowery, oh-so-polite and condescending terms to... go fuck myself! ...and have a nice life. Now you can see where the "real problem" is lodged.

Returning to the current round of one-ups, I find it rather amusing that I could stand being surveilled by the BDG's for three months, since October, while they could not stand the return treatment for even ten days (and that's not counting Lyin' Lynda's false police report the first day.) Kinda makes one wonder, Who's got something to hide here?

Reality TV sucks when compared with the antics of the BDG's. It was hilarious to watch the original marijuana tent do little bunny hops westward until it abutted the eastern Marijuana Shed and closed a viewing gap. Later, the medically retired sponges on the system women of leisure waddled up and down, back and forth - and up and down again - trying to figure the angles to fly a mainsail. (Those five-times-a-day doobies are really working. Both Lyin' Lynda and Resectioned Red are really, really paranoid... and they must have great appetites to go along with their complete inactivity, judging from their broad beams, which make them look like bottom-heavy penguins when they walk.) They had their worker boy climbing on the walk-in freezer and catwalking across fence tops to put up the braces seen earlier.

Speaking of braces (an English word for suspenders), wasn't it a real treat to see Plumber-Crack Crystal again? Really, now that the icemaker is gone, his only reason to visit is to catch up on smoochies from the Party Girls. One could easily see from his pear-shaped torso (or did he just have a blimp tucked in his shirt?) that suspenders are an absolute necessity.

Speaking of Party Girls, the BDG's now have nothing to do - except go out for groceries on occasion and to grow and smoke marijuana. For company they keep six dogs; two junkyard dogs, three indoor lapdogs, and one that swings both ways. Every few hours they shut up the junkyard dogs in the Smokehouse so they can run the house dogs in the yard. "Girls in!" "Babies out!" "C'mon, little man, pee-pee. Hurry up!" "Babies in!" "Girls out!"

With three BDG's trying to run the show, once in a while they get crossed up and the big dogs go after the pissy little dogs... then the hollerin' and screechin' begins... then the East Bay white trash roots come out.

That reminds me... Animal Control got back to me the other day with:

Manteca-CRM: Closed Request # 574732
Sent: Tue 1/25/2011 7:29 AM
Your request # 574732 [of 1/17/11] has been resolved with the resolution:



Lynda hasn't been home for me to check on the # of animals, so I'll be issuing her a citation through the mail in regards to having to (sic) many animals.

That's rich! Lyin' Lynda is home all day, every day... except for the two days she hauled her junk elsewhere. Even so, the other property owner, the other irresponsible party, the delicate flower, Resectioned Red Riding Hood, was left behind to keep the ravenous wolf from the door. No, it's more a matter of these slippery sleaze buckets possessing a sixth sense regarding process servers and dog catchers.

"Oh?" says L/L in surprise (everything is a surprise to her), "Another pissy citation in the mail? Well, honey, you just send it along 'cause, I do declare, I ran outta Zig-Zag papers."

This morning, Lyin' Lynda bellers hollers screeches out, "Step lively, now! Hoist the mainsail!"

...and up it goes! A tarp on toothpicks!


Sail away with me, you little wog
Sail, sail, sail away with me...

 I'll bet that lawyer fellow had a sailing picture in the office where Lyin' Lynda sat recently... and wasted everyone's afternoon.

Hey, Lantz Rey, look! It's a 20-foot wall, after all!

(I feel a formal complaint coming on...)

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Picture Perfect Fence, but... Is It Soundproof? or Foolproof?

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The BDGs appear to be spiraling downward - ever more quickly - into paranoid tendencies and irrational behaviors.

Take the newly constructed fence, above, as an example. Such a screening device did not exist ever since the BDGs illegally contaminated their property with TLC Catering in 1987. They must have figured they were in the dominatrix position after they cowed* their neighbors (who were in their sixties at that time) and lied to get the city's stamp of grandfathered status. Twenty years later, their eighty-year-old neighbors died, a young punk moved in, he exposed their lies and nuisance despite their shrill howling and gesticulations, and they were left naked in the wind... their miserable, useless lives totally defenseless.

Instinctively, they tried to hide, first behind more layers of radio noise, then more and higher layers of fence boards and, finally, retreating into drugged medical retirement. They reshuffled all their goods, rebuilt their house, put up giant tents, and tended their pot farm. They desperately desired not to see their adversary - or have him see them - but the F'n economy wouldn't let them run away and escape. So they built more fence.

The owners are exhibiting some of Sarah Winchester's escalating bizarre behaviors.

Construction began by the foreign language speaking handyman crew while the BDGs blew town for a few days... (why they hurried back is an unanswerable question...) and was finished over the weekend. I really considered letting the BDGs complete a noncompliant project and then get the city involved; but I reconsidered and posted the relevant city code regarding fences for the simple reason that the city seems incompetent in any kind of enforcement action - especially when it comes to the BDGs.

This afternoon, I mowed my front lawn. The sound produced several activities next door - like poking a stick into a hornet's nest - when Yellow's THC-powered reptilian brain** was triggered. She tried to mark her territory by sending Felix out front to string drip line or dig holes or do whatever(?) next to the fence. I know she flipped out because, as I nearly finished one line of mowing, I turned to see Lynda taking a picture of me with her camera.

This is the difference between Lynda S Allen and me:

• I take pictures of her illegal activities, her noncompliant structures, and her prohibited business relationships in a residential district in order to effect their abatement. This entire blog is the illustrated, annotated diary and commentary of that effort; I have less-than-ZERO concern or desire for her likeness or personal relationships.
• Lynda takes pictures of me for what purpose? This is not the first time she has openly taken photographs. Does she think to use the pictures in her legal defense? Does she get her "jollies" from them? If any appear publicly I will consider a stalking charge against her.

The new fence highlights another irrationality:

Note the Bally walk-in freezer in the lower left corner of the picture. The little white lean-to and the compressor were removed from the top of the unit last week as the BDGs began their temporary disappearance. No further work has been done to prepare for the freezer's removal even though sawing, hammering, and a pneumatic tool air compressor can be heard constantly on the property. The never-ending Winchester-like construction - while the shed, freezer, container, commercial vehicles, yard radio, and marijuana tent still remain - indicates other possible enforcement problems developing.

(Whoever said, drying marijuana stinks, was right. The BDG's place smells horrible, in the same fashion their looks [no pictures, thank God!], comportment, and handyman skills are reprehensible. Might as well be consistent in the senses.)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
* cow (vt) to destroy the resolve or courage of; to bring to a state or an action by intimidation - used with into. ex., some redneck caterers were very adept at cowing the workers into eating their s**t. Intimidation (also called cowing) is intentional behavior "which would cause a person of ordinary sensibilities" fear of injury or harm. It's not necessary to prove that the behavior was so violent as to cause terror or that the victim was actually frightened.
Synonyms: blackjack,bogart,browbeat,bulldoze,bully,bullyrag,intimidate,hector,mau-mau,strong-arm

** I will be general. The reptilian brain is the most ancient of the brains. It has two hemispheres, just like the neocortex, and it may be that they relate functionally to the left and right hemispheres of the neocortex. The reptilian brain consists of the upper part of the spinal cord and the basal ganglia, the diencephalon, and parts of the midbrain--- all of which sits atop the spinal column like a knob in the middle of our heads.

It is thought to represent a fundamental core of the nervous system and derives from a form of mammal-like reptile that once ranged widely over the world but disappeared during the Triassic period having provided the evolutionary link between dinosaurs and mammals. All modern mammals have this reptilian complex, including humans.

At least five human behaviors originate in the reptilian brain. These have been denoted as isopraxic, preservative, re-enactment, tropistic, and deceptive. Without defining them, I shall simply say that in human activities they find expression in:

1- obsessive-compulsive behavior

2- personal day-to-day rituals and superstitious acts

3- slavish conformance to old ways of doing things

4- ceremonial re-enactments

5- obeisance to precedent, as in legal, religious, cultural, and other matters

responding to partial representations (coloration, "strangeness," etc.), whether alive or inanimate and all manner of deception.

Reptiles do not dream, but animals which have evolved from the reptiles (mammals & birds) do dream. Why? Because the reptilian mind is still operating in them and we humans call that mental state "dreaming." There is no "dreamstate" in reptiles because this mentality is their waking state. It is repressed during our waking hours (but still functioning it never sleeps) by chemicals released neocortically then the reptilian is allowed to function during sleep and dream, when the left hemisphere is in turn repressed. But obviously, the reptilian brain is not satisfied being relegated to the "nightwatch" of an inert body. It wants far more than that.

Humans invented rituals and ceremonies, and then, theater. Now where do you suppose those revelations came from? Theater, with its famous theorem of the "suspension of disbelief" (which is simply another way of saying, "Put your left brain to sleep.") is a re-invention of the reptilian mental-state "out-there". And of course, now we have excellent duplication of the reptilian mindset with movies and television, etc. which by some estimates, occupies up to 16-18 hours of our time per day, when you add in sleep-dream time.

A much detailed description of brain function by Mr Davidmann can be found here: http://www.solbaram.org/articles/humind.html

(footnote narrative found at: http://www.sciforums.com/showthread.php?t=65705)

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Spanking New to the BDGs: The Manteca Municipal Code

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Here is yet another example of the Barefoot Dirty Girls acting on their endocrine secretion driven emotions rather than using any brain function or rationality.

The BDGs flew the coop at 5:00 a.m. Thursday morning and have not returned since. (Having a nice ten-year trip to Oregon? Too much to hope it's permanent?) Again they left the keys to the compound - house, radio, marijuana, dogs, everything - with their foreign language speaking handyman crew, Felix and Joaquin. Las instrucciones a los trabajadores son:

• feed the dogs,
• prepare the Bally walk-in freezer for removal,
• build a fence,
• and play the yard radio loudly!

(Who ya gonna call? A Gnome-Be-Gone!)

However, it is plain that the fence they envisioned was not the replacement for the one their illegal shed runoff destroyed, but a front yard screen instead. I'm just guessing here, but perhaps my existence hassles her/them somehow? {smilie} I certainly hope the druggie's brain dump plan on paper took into account the relevant sections of the Manteca Municipal Code.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
MMC 17.09.030 Front yard setbacks

(from Table 2 for R-1-6 properties: 20 feet from sidewalk)

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
MMC 17.09.050 Structures in required yards

B. Fences, Walls and Landscape Related Structures.

     1. Solid fences, walls, hedges and retaining walls not more than seven feet in height may occupy any required yard or other open space, except that fences, walls, hedges and retaining walls shall be no higher than three feet six inches when located in the required front yard setback area, in the required set back area along the side street of a corner lot, and along the rear or side lot line of a reversed corner lot where it abuts the front yard of the adjoining key lot.
          a. In the R districts, solid fences, hedges or retaining walls between the height of three feet six inches and seven feet may be located to within twenty feet of the existing or future back-of-sidewalk.

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MMC 17.19.040 Screening

B. Height and Location of Screening. Unless otherwise specified, screening required by this title shall be not more than seven feet in height. Except that adjacent to the front yard or street side yard of an adjoining lot in an R or C-O district, such screening shall be not less than thirty inches nor more than forty-two inches in height. All screening shall follow the lot line of the lot to be screened, or the inside edge of the sidewalks, or shall be so arranged within the boundaries of the lot so as to substantially hide from adjoining properties the building, facility or activity required to be screened. [That's 2½ to 3½ feet.]

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See how simple it is? What it means is that a homeowner cannot... uh, should not... build a fence over 3½ feet tall in the front yard.

This could be an interesting weekend...

Actually, it already is somewhat interesting since my attorney called to say opposing counsel has again promised to get us the last one or two outstanding items; the August 13th Admissions with Verification Signatures and date/time/place/name for a Voluntary Mediation session.

Am I going to hold my breath and trust Lynda Allen and Theresa Brassey to actually perform? {Have they ever performed correctly before? Are they ever going to get it right?} Hell, no. I'm just waiting for them to default on this dance before calling this litigation ripe for judgment.

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"I'll See You Out In The Shed! ...NOW!"

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This whole fight over noise started with the Scotsman icemaker - and it appears Allen & Brassey are leaving that P.O.S. machine and its shed for the last. The picture was taken to document the expansion of the already-illegal erection. Currently, the BDGs have sealed it up with tarps to conceal their movements and have to use fans for ventilation.

The shanty shed dates back to the illegal business expansion of TLC Catering in 1993-94. After A&B dodged a zoning complaint bullet, they lied their asses off and conned officials into granting them "grandfathered" land use status. Immediately thereafter they ignored the non-expansion instruction and built themselves a commissary on the property to service all their trucks. From my researched report:

"Yet the TLC Life just kept getting better! Emboldened by Manteca's emasculation, three months later Allen & Brassey assumed home occupation (land use) permission from Health Department (food sanitation) permits and made an application payment to EHD to establish and operate a private commissary, naming their property at 810 Fishback Street as the location for inspections.[Z] (The current Manteca code enforcement officer opined that Allen & Brassey were merely attempting to “legalize” what they had been doing “since they moved in.” When did they move in? Sorry, but they still need a land use permit.) The nine months following September 1993, was likely the period when a walk-in freezer and a refrigerated shipping container were hauled onto the property, refrigerators and freezers were plugged in everywhere, lights and floodlights strung up, and an ancient, noisy icemaker was improperly installed. The illegal mobile home, that longstanding error, was swallowed up in the larger commissary operation, pieces of which were scattered all around the property. The following June, the Health Department plan checks were done and in July 1994, EHD issued a Commissary Permit to the owners of TLC Catering. Again assuming nonexistent permissions, Allen & Brassey began taking commercial deliveries to their property, something expressly prohibited for home occupations. They were now set with four catering trucks, a fully equipped private commissary, and commercial vendors whose big trucks delivered supplies and services to their doorstep... they were unstoppable."

A big concrete pad was poured to support the installation of the Bally walk-in freezer, the Scotsman icemaker, and other refrigerators and freezers used in the business. The posts and fiberglass roofing were put up to protect the appliances, as well as all the other crap Allen & Brassey crammed in there.

The following description of the shed was sent to the city and - no surprise - no action was taken.

Tue 12/29/2009 4:08 PM
New Request # 329034
The Problem you submitted was:
Request type: Permits
Description: A noncompliant and unpermitted accessory covered structure was built along the lot’s north property line, in the fourteen-foot space between a permitted outbuilding and the wooden fence on the property line. Recent noncompliant additions have been made to it.

The structure consists of a concrete pad, approximately 43 feet long and 14 feet wide, formed and poured to within 6 inches of the fence posts. A 31-foot run of roofing is supported on the north side by 4 x 4 uprights. Some uprights are set back approximately 24 inches from the fence, others only 6 inches. The other side of the structure is attached to the outbuilding, under 20 feet of eaves. The green corrugated fiberglass roofing material is cut immediately above the wooden fence and pitched to drain its runoff, and the runoff from the outbuilding’s overhanging eaves, right on top of the fence. The runoff has led to serious deterioration of fence posts and boards.

The purpose of the structure is to house various machinery and appliances. This means that the electrical wiring, plumbing and drainage may also be noncompliant. Indeed, a short popped a circuit breaker a few months ago, which led to some rewiring.

Drainage is a big problem. One of the machines under this structure continuously drains directly onto the concrete pad. Because the property’s elevation is several inches higher than the adjoining property, the water flows, first, onto the ground at the fence line, then onto the adjoining property, causing a mosquito-breeding habitat. Added to that water flow is the roof runoff, mentioned above.

The combined factors of a declining elevation gradient, the concrete pad on Manteca’s soft soil, no footings or soil retention devices, runoff drainage problems, the continuous drainage and intense vibration from one of the machines, and heavy use of the structure has caused soil slumping evidenced by a pronounced bow in the fence.

I am seeking extensive rebuilding - or better yet, outright demolition - of this noncompliant and unpermitted structure on my fence line. In addition to the damages listed above (and some not listed), it is an unsightly intrusion.

The response from code enforcement was, loosely paraphrased, "I can't find my own ass because it's too dark around here." (Hey, have someone take a picture of your ass and Twitter it to you! Buncha' prima donna top models...)

It's time again to shine a light on the shed and Manteca's C.E. geniuses.

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Super Freak!

Back in my naive days (three years ago), my very first request to the City of Manteca was for a fence variance in order to put up a freeway-style sound wall fifteen feet high and one hundred eighty feet long. Besides being denied that straightforward remedy against my neighbors' noise, what I wound up with instead is a ramshakle, piecemeal, mish-mash of fencing hammered up on the whims of the three "architectural" geniuses next door. This includes the lattice fence toppers.

But fencing shortcomings paled into insignificance with the discovery that the noisy nuisance known as TLC Catering next door was an illegal nonconforming use of property and correcting the bigger problem became the "prime directive." All other considerations backed up behind the Monstrous Pink TLC Elephant - fence, noise, lack of sleep, yard improvements, home upgrades and maintenance... everything. Life was put on hold in order to pursue and dislodge the intransigent* neighbors' illegal business use.

Even so, there are times when the clucking of hens provides humorous relief. Such occurred last weekend while I was in my back yard, sitting under my grape arbor, studying some maps, awaiting the arrival of a riding partner. Flickers of movement behind the lattice atop the fence caught my attention. Sure enough, a pin head was bobbing and weaving, scanning my yard, trying to locate me or a telltale clue of my whereabouts. Target acquired, movement stopped.

We each tried to analyze the sight before us. After many long seconds I began to think perhaps their chicken found a roosting spot there. (Not too far off, actually!)

Suddenly a cuntrified voice elsewhere keened out, "Lynda! Where ya' at?"

The lattice-camouflaged shape quickly disappeared and a high, thin screech answered, "I'm over here... watchin' the Freak!"

{shrug} I've been called worse by better people... But it's always nice to know what your neighbors think of you, right?

The brief soliloquy** brought to mind a few lyrics from the song SuperFreak by Rick James:
 ...
She's a super freak, super freak
She's super-freaky, yow
...
Three's not a crowd to her, she says
...
It's such a freaky scene
...

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* Intransigent - (adj.) impervious to pleas, persuasion, requests, reason; not willing to compromise; obstinately maintaining an attitude. (Don'cha LOVE the sausages in the caterer's ears? Of course, that could be just ONE sausage... passing through! ... just sayin'...)

** Soliloquy - (n. etymology: Late Latin soliloquium, from Latin solus alone + loqui to speak) A dramatic or literary form of discourse in which a character talks to herself or reveals her thoughts without addressing a listener.

One freak livin' next to a... Super Freak, super-freaky!

Jousting with Fence Boards

Labor Day was a very busy day for someone hired by Allen & Brassey to rebuild two portions of fence. The first job was to replace a "plywood patch" on their front fence, which remained unfinished until yesterday for lack of fence boards. It now looks halfway respectable.

The second project was a stunning farce, another over-the-top manipulation for which Lynda Allen is widely infamous.

To relate this properly, I must go back to last February. After the picture in this post appeared, Ms. Allen calculated the angles and added one-foot lattice toppers to the sections of the decrepit six-foot fence between our houses. A seven-foot fence still wasn't enough for her, so while I was gone away to friends on Father's Day in June, A&B hired a guy to rebuild several sections of our common property line fence, starting at the very back of our 185 feet deep lots. A couple more sections were done the next day, for a total of six eight-foot sections. The old boards were redeployed (horizontally!) as backstops to the sections up front, between our houses, until every chink, crack, and knothole was covered.

Good Neighbor fences are usually a joint effort, at joint cost, and the boards alternate sides with each eight-foot section. That was not the case here. First, I was not consulted on the fence replacement project; second, I was not asked to contribute to its costs; third, the fence was "bettered" (newer and higher than the original one); and fourth, the old fence boards were appropriated for other uses by A&B as described above - for these reasons I did not object to the installation of the new fence, even though I got the side with all the 2x4 stringers. Better fence... neighbors' nickel... NOT a problem... really. I accepted her offer. Everything was cool... so far.

The funniest aspect of Ms. Allen's charade is that after she closed all the knotholes, the knothead discovered she could no longer see if my truck was in my yard, or if my blinds were drawn, or if my lights were on. (Keep 'em guessing, I say.) It was no longer easy for her to detect signs of my presence. How do I know? Because, during my ladder-assisted project described next, I observed their step ladder set up next to the fence just for such use. On rare occasions it is put away, but generally not.

A month ago, I embarked on a modest beautification project: a freestanding screen or trellis to span the gap between my house and my outbuilding. A row of 4x4's was set in the ground five feet away from the property line fence, 2x4 stringers were bolted on, and two courses of 4x8 redwood lattice attached horizontally. Ivy, bougainvillea, morning glories, and other climbing greenery would in the future provide a "green screen" - a visual break from TLC Catering's ugly backside always mooning me over the fence.

[Special note: this trellis, even overgrown, IS NOT a noise barrier - in spite of Ms. Allen's acoustical architechure and engineering degrees and her assertions to Manteca's code enforcement pencil pushers, duly noted, that lattice and plywood perform that function. (Honest! I don't make this stuff up!)]

In the inscrutable and infinitesimal mind of the genius next door, however, that damned trellis was interfering with her ability to ascend her step ladder, surmount her own lattice fence topper, and scan my house and property for signs of my presence. Reverting to the Machiavellian axiom that imitation is the best form of flattery, she hired a guy on Labor Day to pull the boards off two sections of the "new" fence and redo those sections using the staggered offset pattern I used on my northern front fence (away from her property.) She may want an "open" fence on our property line, but I certainly do not. I was not flattered. (We're not even friends, let alone intimates!)

It is obvious that her architectural genius is exceeded only by her dog training skills. The fence boards she used were only 5 1/2 inches wide (cheap, cheap), with gaps between them ranging randomly from 2 inches to 4 1/2 inches ("eyeball" method?), and the offset pattern on the other side of the stringers was nowhere close to precise (it's really hard to find good [free?] help these days!) The result looked like shit - but produced her desired goal of opening my property to her view without revealing any of her own property.

Unfortunately for the hammering hamsters, there is this little bit of common law regarding common fences that does not allow one party to dictate the structural elements employed on the side of the other party without consent. Her erection constituted a solicitation for agreement. I rejected her proposition the next morning by removing the fence boards on my side, piling them neatly next to the fence, and placing the container of removed screws on top of the stack. Nothing oral by either party, but the communications (advance and rebuff) were absolutely clear and unmistakeable.

With great regret, I was absent when the roach coach co-pilots returned to their business yard, but I truly hope their disappointment, with wailing and gnashing of teeth, was not inflicted on their very nice junk yard dogs. As expected, however, by my return in midafternoon, a large blue tarp had been carefully stretched out and tucked over the tops of the gap-tooth boards remaining on A&B's side of the fence. At 5:00 p.m. a guy appeared, retrieved the boards, and for another hour removed the ones on the other side and did the best he could to reattach them in a close approximation of their previous, simpler layout. I hope he allowed for the small "summer gaps" that accommodate the winter's swelling of wooden fence boards to prevent them from warping and popping off the fence.

Oh, and let me tell you about the junk yard dogs... and the house dogs... and the narrowly averted hosing down...