Packrat Purging: Diarrhea of Trash

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It' really hard to imagine all the mountains of crap these connoisseurs of trash have stuffed into every nook, cranny, attic, old walk-in freezers, old and inoperable catering trucks, tents, travel trailers, old cars and trucks, shipping containers, shanty sheds... anywhere and everywhere Klepto Yellow can disguise the existence of more useless erotica exotica.

The purgative movements began last weekend with the advent of the Budget moving van.

Then a couple days elapsed as Mellow Yellow's mental peristalsis built up to another series of disgorgements. Other outbound wrenchings were masked by the constant employment of another laborer (to replace the talkative Alex and Joaquin) who continued finish work on the Marijuana Sheds and reconstructed the interior of the Smokehouse. His vehicle of choice was a beater pickup.


The Smokehouse



Ah, yes, the Smokehouse... the outbuilding that for years has been a storage room, a grocery commissary, a laundry room, an electrical sub-station for the solar panels, and a doghouse for the junkyard dogs. More recently, two added uses are as the control center for the outdoor stereo and as the Smokehouse. In an effort to keep their newly remodeled house pristine for eventual disposal, the three dopers hole up in the Smokehouse for 15 to 45 minutes several times a day and generate a neighborhood-wide cloud of second-hand marijuana smoke.

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Lyin' Lynda's Big-Ass Black Pickup Truck

Friday morning was on the verge of dawning when Lyin' Lynda's (L/L) Big-Ass Black Pickup Truck crept up the driveway, pulling a utility trailer behind it. [This vehicle is L/L's Freudian overcompensation for missing certain body parts she is sure she was cheated out of.] As this Grapes of Wrath rig pulled onto the street and away, my only question was, "How far away is she going?" Alas, the answer was, "Not far enough," because the emptied rig and its Road Queen driver reappeared in the afternoon and backed onto the lot.

Shuttling shit from shanty shed to the Big-Ass Black Trash Truck (minus trailer) that evening was an amusing vignette because for every two items loaded onboard, L/L would come along and remove one. The job could have been done in thirty minutes, but under L/L's generalship, er, that is... because of her need to control everybody and everything it took ninety. Regardless of the stream of refuse tossed into L/L's Big-Ass Trash Truck, such as the bags of fertilizer, the air compressor, the dozens of paint cans, the flower pots, the giant thingie that had to be drained of water, etc., despite all that, the shanty shed is still solidly packed with all sorts of excreta.

Saturday morning was on the verge of dawning when Lyin' Lynda's (L/L) Big-Ass Black Pickup Truck again crept up the driveway, pulling the re-attached utility trailer behind it. This time she took muscle with her to unload on the other end; this is known because he left behind the Silver Bullet(c) for the day and drove away in it after they returned that evening. (What a shit job that is... having to spend the entire day with Yellow and Green! But they, without a doubt, shared a joint... or two, or three... with him to kill the pain.)

Items of note: 1) The Cannonball Elimination Express left behind a some Big Red Brassy Boobs to guard the premises, which is funny because she's useless in her unimpaired state and twice as useless when she's all doped up; and 2) when the Big-Ass Black Pickup Truck returned, it was minus the trailer.

Witness: Lyin' Lynda told the police officer she was "leaving in a couple days," yet a week later she is still here. The bitch never stays gone. Perhaps she meant she was mentally checked out, or that she was going to self-administer medicinal stupidity (Sierra High(c), no less!) several times a day from now on. Her version of truth has always been disconnected from reality.

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