Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Opprobrious Chameleons; Reversibles and Rip-Offs


You think you see me, but you don't;
I'm a chameleon, you see.
I slither from here, change colors as wont,*
and next, I'm up a tree.

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The BDG's plan to "Slip Unnoticed Into Heaven FREE"
- - -

Som'uns got herself a eh'...ju...ma...ka'...shun... from one a' those fancy... uh... whatev' ther' called.

And to leave an indelible stain mark on America's popular culture, our own, our beloved, our Recently Resectioned Red has given birth from her infertile body mind to the epitome of sports paraphernalia jizz widgets -

{drum roll}

- the one and only -

{another drum roll}

- officially titled -

Sports jacket of reversible construction for displaying alternate team and/or player affiliations ! (Patent # 6,550,066)

Knowing these benighted morons [as well as anyone can decipher them], trying to follow the description of this "invention" provided a hilarious romp through their psyches psychoses.** In the verbiage that Resectioned Red provided to the Patent Office, the raison d'etre*** for the polymorphic disinformation camouflage apparel appeared to be the desire not to get the shit beat out of them at Oakland Raiders game.

I will try to translate, reinterpret, and elucidate Red's "waffle wording" and hidden meanings as we trudge along through this linguistic sludge pit of popular culture. (Popular culture: the "Bread and Circuses" with which the masses are anesthetized into stuporous compliance.)
See this Wikipedia entry.
[...] iam pridem, ex quo suffragia nulli / uendimus, effudit curas; nam qui dabat olim / imperium, fasces, legiones, omnia, nunc se / continet atque duas tantum res anxius optat, / panem et circenses. [...]
(Juvenal, Satire 10.77–81)

… Already long ago, from when we sold our vote to no man, the People have abdicated our duties; for the People who once upon a time handed out military command, high civil office, legions — everything, now restrains itself and anxiously hopes for just two things: bread and circuses

Put simply, this is my neighbors' self-confessed credo on how to slither through life - and cash in on the circus - now that they have cashed out of the sloppy bread business - and now stumble about in the drug business.

United States Patent 6,550,066
Inventor: Brassey; Theresa Ann (Manteca, CA)
April 22, 2003

A team jacket with sports logo that is of reversible construction. Different teams sports logos are on both the inner and outer surfaces of the jacket. The jacket may also be equipped with the names of players so that the jacket may be reversed to reveal a different player's name and/or number. [This is the setup. The why, the "spin," comes later.]
Appl. No.: 09/040,271
Filed: March 18, 1998
Referenced By [later inventors]
2. 7,725,955 Rivalry rip-off apparel
9. 6,874,168 Buttocks padded pants
Primary Examiner: Hale; Gloria M.
Attorney, Agent or Firm: Halvonik; John P.

The invention relates to the field of jackets and sporting wear and, in particular, to a jacket that is of reversible construction and having different teams sports logos on both the inner and outer surfaces of the jacket in order to allow the display of alternate team logos. The jacket may also be equipped with the names of players so that the jacket may be reversed to reveal a different player's name or number.

The jacket is believed [by whom? belief does not equal truth.] to have utility [mega-sports has usefulness? really?] among those sports fans [oxymorons] who find that teams are seemingly [waffle word] constantly switching city affiliations and those fans no longer have the same loyalties [ie., totally fickle] to those teams as they did in previous times. The same may be said for players as well because[,] with the advent of free agency[,] players are constantly moving from team to team.

[It is amazing how these fickle oxymorons can dream up such a fantasy! Loyalty? Players are nothing but assets, on-screen entertainers, traded about by entertainment corporations known as "ball clubs." It has nothing to do with games or sports, but with money - money extracted from dumbasses who allow themselves to be distracted from real life and squander their time and give away their money to the corporations they then bitch about as "the rich."]

The jacket is meant to be amusing or entertaining [or ridiculous] in that other sports fans [other morons] who see the jacket on display will immediately grasp [strong word for morons] the intended pun or message when the user[, after toking a 'jane or two,] stands up and reverses his[/her] jacket in order to display a new team that he/she is now rooting for. [Hey! Look at the scoreboard, fools! With that point spread, you old goats are gonna lose us a lot of money.] The reversible jacket as described herein readily conveys the message that team sports loyalties among both fans and owners is[are] very fickle [her word, not mine!] and that one can change his[/her] team loyalty as easily as changing ones jacket. [Key sentence - Red, Yellow, and Green are fickle and can play on either team... or both.]

Among the advantages of such a jacket is that the fan does not have to invest in [invest? the word is "consume"] two jackets in order to root for two teams or two players. One jacket having multiple logos will suffice. [How does fan frugality pernuriousness support the mega-sports machine, including all its suppliers?] Also, the fan will not have to risk the approbation [Gack! This gets the following explanatory paragraph all its own!] of other fans [morons] when [s]he is in a different stadium. If the team [s]he is rooting for loses the game or is otherwise unacceptable to the rest of the fans, e.g. for example [e.g. means, for example] if they are the visiting team, the user can simply reverse the jacket and present those fans in the stadium with a logo for a team and/or player that is acceptable to them. [Prime example of the Barefoot Dirty Girls using camouflage to avoid detection, "fly under the radar," and not get the shit beat out of them. Follow the crowd, blend in.]

[Regardless of Reeking Red's liberally lacking college eh'...ju...ma...ka'...shun, the definition of approbation (n) is 1. An expression of warm approval; praise. 2. Commendation; official approval. I can readily see why the BDG's want to avoid the "risk the approbation" of anyone, especially family, friends, neighbors, city officials. Red should have used disapprobation, or possibly opprobrium (n), which means, 1. Disgrace arising from exceedingly shameful conduct; ignominy. 2. Scornful reproach or contempt: a term of opprobrium. You see? Opprobrium applies perfectly to the BDG's perfidy (treachery, faithlessness) and prevarications (lies, fabrications, exaggerations, inventions, misrepresentations, etc.).]


While there are jackets that are reversible in nature, none that applicant is aware of have multiple team sports logos displayed on both the inner and the outer surfaces of the jacket. Nor are there any with multiple player names on them.


A sporting jacket having one team logo on the outside of the jacket and having a second team logo on the inside of the jacket. The jacket is of reversible construction so that the logo on the inner surface may be displayed upon reversing the jacket with the inner logo now appearing on the outer surface of the jacket. The second logo should be distinguishable from the first logo so that when the jacket is reversed a different logo can be displayed by the wearer.

It is an objective of the invention to provide a sports jackets having multiple team and/or player designations to allow sports fans to display an alternate team/player designation in the event that they wish to root for different teams and/or player.

Another objective of the invention is to provide an amusing message to fans and others whereby the owner of a sports jacket can convey the message of changing team loyalties by simply reversing his/her jacket.

Other advantages will become known to those skilled in the art [art? what art? disinformation? evasion? call it anything but lying? In that case, the Barefoot Dirty Girls are highly "skilled in the art."] once the invention is shown and described.


FIG. 1 Overall construction of apparatus.

FIG. 2 perspective view.

Source: US Patent and Trademark Office (USPTO) or FreePatentsOnline 6550066 PDF

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This whole invention smacks of a flashback to their high school days when Theresa (San Leandro Pirates) and Lynda (Pinole Spartans) desperately wanted letter jackets, but couldn't (his choice) or wouldn't (her choice) tease them off male football players. 

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Rivalry rip-off apparel
United States Patent 7,725,955
June 1, 2010


A cap, jacket, shirt, or sweatshirt displaying the logos of two rival adjacent a field, court, mat or rink depicting the sport in which the teams vie. These logos may be readily ripped-off, being attached by hook-and-loop fabric, or the like, to enable the following week's rivalry to be displayed on the same item of apparel. The wearer's preference is displayed on that item of apparel by means of a team name/logo/exhortational message displayed elsewhere on the item than in the display region and by a red `DIS` cord stretched across the team the wearer wishes to lose in a manner reminiscent of the international NOT! display.
Inventors: Johnson; James L. (Erie, PA)
Appl. No.: 12/070,954
Filed: February 21, 2008
References cited
6,550,066 April 2003 Brassey
Primary Examiner: Hale; Gloria
Attorney, Agent or Firm: Thomson; Richard K.

The present invention is directed to the field of clothing. More particularly, the present invention is directed to an article of clothing capable of displaying a rivalry of interest to the wearer and the wearer's preference for the outcome of a soon-to-be-played game or one of historic interest.

Sports have long been a passion for many and the number of fans for particular sports is expanding exponentially. Sports paraphernalia is proliferating and fans are looking for additional ways to display their love [purely platonic, or economic, of course] for their preferred team(s). It is an object of the present invention to present articles of apparel which allows the wearer to make clear to anyone seeing the person's attire, his/her preference for the outcome of a particular rivalry/game. This apparel may take the form of a cap or other type of hat, a sweatshirt, t-shirt, jacket, polo shirts, team jersey, vests, etc., available under the trademark Rivalry Rip-off (TM) apparel.

The present invention comprises an article of clothing for displaying a rivalry between two teams including: a) an apparel item having a display region for displaying at least two logos of rival teams; b) a first logo for a preferred team; c) a second logo for another rival team; d) attachment means for removably securing the first and second logos to the display region; e) indicator means for manifesting a preference of a wearer of the apparel item for one team over the other team. The article of clothing includes first attachment means for securing the first logo and second attachment means for securing the second logo to the display region which includes a field, court, pool, rink, or mat depicting a sport in which the rival teams compete with a `VS` emblazoned on the field, court, pool, rink or mat between the first and second attachment means, as well as at least one indication adjacent one of the attachment sites indicating which is the home team.

Each of the first and second attachment means comprises first and second hook-and-loop fabric portions in which the first hook-and-loop fabric portion is secured to the display region and the second hook-and-loop fabric portion is secured to a back side of one of the first and second logos. The indicator means comprises a team name/logo/exhortational message of/for the wearer's preferred team displayed elsewhere on the apparel item. The indicator means further comprises a red cord stretched diagonally across the second logo. The article of apparel includes removable attachment means for the red cord allowing it to be draped across either side of the display region. It is envisioned that this Rivalry Rip-off (TM) apparel could apply to sports including baseball, basketball, diving, football, hockey, soccer, swimming, track and field, wrestling at all levels of competition and could easily be applied to non-athletic competitions, such as highschool and college scholastic meets, as well.

Various other features, advantages, and characteristics of the present invention will become apparent after a reading of the following detailed description.

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* wont - habit; an established custom; ex., "It is their wont [habit] to smoke a "Sierra High" joint every evening at 7:00 out on their patio."

** Psychosis is a term used to describe an array of signs and symptoms suggesting a form of thinking that breaks from reality.

*** raison d'etre (n) 1. reason for being; rationalization; the cognitive process of making something seem consistent with or based on reason. 2. the purpose that justifies a thing's existence; function, purpose, use, role - what something is used for; "the function of an auger is to bore holes"; "BDG's are unforgivable wastes of Earth's resources, so what use are they?"

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