Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Super Freak!

Back in my naive days (three years ago), my very first request to the City of Manteca was for a fence variance in order to put up a freeway-style sound wall fifteen feet high and one hundred eighty feet long. Besides being denied that straightforward remedy against my neighbors' noise, what I wound up with instead is a ramshakle, piecemeal, mish-mash of fencing hammered up on the whims of the three "architectural" geniuses next door. This includes the lattice fence toppers.

But fencing shortcomings paled into insignificance with the discovery that the noisy nuisance known as TLC Catering next door was an illegal nonconforming use of property and correcting the bigger problem became the "prime directive." All other considerations backed up behind the Monstrous Pink TLC Elephant - fence, noise, lack of sleep, yard improvements, home upgrades and maintenance... everything. Life was put on hold in order to pursue and dislodge the intransigent* neighbors' illegal business use.

Even so, there are times when the clucking of hens provides humorous relief. Such occurred last weekend while I was in my back yard, sitting under my grape arbor, studying some maps, awaiting the arrival of a riding partner. Flickers of movement behind the lattice atop the fence caught my attention. Sure enough, a pin head was bobbing and weaving, scanning my yard, trying to locate me or a telltale clue of my whereabouts. Target acquired, movement stopped.

We each tried to analyze the sight before us. After many long seconds I began to think perhaps their chicken found a roosting spot there. (Not too far off, actually!)

Suddenly a cuntrified voice elsewhere keened out, "Lynda! Where ya' at?"

The lattice-camouflaged shape quickly disappeared and a high, thin screech answered, "I'm over here... watchin' the Freak!"

{shrug} I've been called worse by better people... But it's always nice to know what your neighbors think of you, right?

The brief soliloquy** brought to mind a few lyrics from the song SuperFreak by Rick James:
She's a super freak, super freak
She's super-freaky, yow
Three's not a crowd to her, she says
It's such a freaky scene

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* Intransigent - (adj.) impervious to pleas, persuasion, requests, reason; not willing to compromise; obstinately maintaining an attitude. (Don'cha LOVE the sausages in the caterer's ears? Of course, that could be just ONE sausage... passing through! ... just sayin'...)

** Soliloquy - (n. etymology: Late Latin soliloquium, from Latin solus alone + loqui to speak) A dramatic or literary form of discourse in which a character talks to herself or reveals her thoughts without addressing a listener.

One freak livin' next to a... Super Freak, super-freaky!

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