Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Lawsuit-Propelled Sliding Numbers Puzzle

I had one - or several - of these when I was a mere wee lad. They were really fun.

Now I have a super-duper, lawsuit-propelled, animated model(s) next door to keep me entertained. It is even more fun than the little plastic toy puzzles, because this one incorporates elements of a closed system rat maze.

A loose legend for the diagram below:
  • Red blocks - mostly permanent vehicles.
  • Red outlines - approximate count of cars, trucks and vans (they come, they go, mysteriously increase in number, and rearrange themselves continuously.)
  • Red X's - structures demolished.
  • Blue X's - structures to be demolished.
  • Green circles and numbered arrows - Raiders football play notation for the movement of "stuff" from one place to another for the last couple months.

If they keep up the good work of demolition and remediation at this pace, in no time at all they will be ready to pick up their loaded containers, pile all their household items onto the old trash truck, strap Granny and Auntie and a couple dogs on top of the teetering load and, like modern-day Joads*, hit the road to go Californicate** Oregon. Now that would call for a HUGE Good Riddance celebration!

You see, I used to feel trapped in the illegal business/noise maze, but now it appears that the Barefoot Dirty Girls (Mellow Yellow, Ravaged Red, and Guts[y] Green) are running around like headless chickens (and still shoeless?) in this maze of their own making. The infield play is complicated by the handyman workers that come over virtually every day, parking their trucks on the lot and either demolishing or building or pulling wires or endless other tasks. Of course, the BDGs are painting or doing some other light work between toke breaks ('cause, you know, Mellow Yellow has the qualifying "debilitating pain" necessary for "treatment" with homegrown marijuana.)

Perhaps they are consolidating their "good shit" and preparing to hold a gigantic fund-raiser garage sale for the rest of it to fund their impending relocation. Perhaps that's why the two never-before-seen cars appeared from under the shed that was torn down by the east fence. Hmmm... where'd the ol' John Deere go?

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* ref. The Grapes of Wrath, by John Steinbeck

** californicate (v) 1. The act of migration from California to other states in search of cheaper housing, better morals, and lack of gangs, drugs, prostitution, etc. Instead, they drive up house prices whereever they move to, and bring their low morals, gangs, drugs, and prostitution to the other states; 2. To fuck up or make like California. Many years ago there was a bumper sticker reading, "DON'T CALIFORNICATE COLORADO!" Oregonians for a long time held such sentiments against immigrants from California, but now seem to welcome every liberal, white trash, low life scofflaw. Such is the proof of California's malady.


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