Sunday, February 14, 2010

Hey, Mike... Happy Valentine's Day!

Nice lady, that Lynda, so gentle and kind. All sweetness and smiles and cooperation this Sunday morning...

...after I again called you out to witness our ongoing dispute. Yessir, she's a peach, that one... One weekend running ice cold and telling you not to return, ever. Last weekend she claimed that Manteca's noise ordinance gave her the right to play her music beginning at 7:00 o'clock in the morning. Pursuant to that bit of misinformation, made up in her own or her friends' empty heads, sure enough at 06:57 a.m. on Saturday and at 06:52 a.m. on Sunday, she turned on her stereo with the all-weather, outdoor speaker pointed at my bedroom window. Well, at least your visit last week bought an hour of quiet from 6 o'clock to 7 o'clock.

This weekend Lynda turned on all the ingratiating* "charm" she is capable of mustering when someone she perceives as more powerful is around. She agreed to "take care" of something worked out between her and you and, in starkly vivid contrast to her usual parting shots, hollered out for the entire neighborhood, "Hey, Mike... Happy Valentine's Day!" How thoughtful of her.

Or masterful manipulation? (I find it intensely rude when a child presumes to address an adult by his first name without leave.) Her true colors were on display last week when she was caught off-guard. I am still convinced that had anyone else purchased my house, they would be Lynda's enemy - more especially if anything concerning TLC's illegal operation came up. On the other hand, her face changes for Rex Osborn and code enforcement officers. She wears the same mask for city council. But her double face was revealed to you, officer, between last weekend and this weekend. (I'm guessing her roach coach customers only see her "smiley" face and put up with her snake oil banter while forking over their money.)

Let's hope your second visit, on consecutive weekends, buys another hour of quiet - until 8:00 a.m. - which is what Ordinance 1374 really says. (Of course, Lynda's never met a law she didn't think didn't apply to her.)

So, officer, I'm sorry about giving you such a crappy Valentine this beautiful Sunday morning, with smiles on the outside and #### on the inside. You see, her affected smile vanished when you left.

Later in the day, while I was out spraying weeds in my back yard, she peeped through the lattice - she's the one who put it up on top the fence! - and commented, "Hey, freak! Better get those weeds up... or maybe the fire department will cite you." Do you suppose she was still thinking of this morning's visit? I certainly hope so!

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* ingratiating: intended or adopted in order to gain favor: flattering

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