Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Cat-herding the Digitless Mesdames Over the Digital Divide

Kinda like Ma and Pa Kettle, the domestic co-habitants (and defendants), Lynda Allen and Theresa Brassey stood shoulder to shoulder, hip to hip, out on their front lawn this morning and saw me off to work. Actually, "saw" is a totally inadequate word for the... what?... steely-eyed glares... glowering scowls... accompanied by impotent rage, directed at me as I drove by. Their mouths were probably moving, but they never say anything truthful, so who cares?

However, it was a nice touch to see that Lynda was dressed for the day at 8:00 a.m. Because, you see, an hour earlier, at 7:04 a.m. sharp (she certainly didn't look sharp!), she was still in her robe and slippers as she made the round trip from house to outbuilding to turn on the outdoor radio. It was obvious at 8:00 that she had retreated indoors not only to dress but to make a stunningly futile attempt at personal beautification. With all the money the Barefoot Dirty Girls (BDGs) have been spending recently on superficially cleaning their yard (all the BIG "boxes," shanty sheds and trailers/trash are still there), it is impossibly hard to believe they do not have a radio inside their house - like normal people - that they can listen to while attending to their toilet*. (Hmmm... handymen, indoor radio, or professional beauticians?)

In fact, how hard would it be to acquire personal music listening devices for use outside? That would be so much better than the current neighborhood-wide music broadcasting device (unless one is deliberately trying to annoy the neighbors?) In this brave new world of digital technology, maybe something like these .mp3 players with earbuds:

These personal pleasure toys come in Tiny, Large, and Country-size.

What!? The BDGs yammer on with some tired, lame excuse having to do with too many old dogs? ...or was that "no new tricks"? Is it possible they really do not know when, where, or how to use this technology?

This is a textbook object lesson in "Annexing Taking the BDG out of the county, but not taking the country out of the BDG." Perhaps a few pictures could adequately demonstrate the varied conforming uses to which these players are put.

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WORKING - or working out. Strap it on - wherever you like. (Works best with a black outfit.)

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PLAYING - or playing around. "Hide the iPod" comes to mind. (Plays best with a black outfit.)

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JUST HANGING OUT - in Tracy, Costco, the Health Dept, or a Manteca PD working girl roundup, etc. (Hangs out best with a black outfit.)

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There it is... one example for T, another for L, and a third for C. Those street-smart, shop-worn BDGs from the country should be able to come up with others. Or, if the three WORK, PLAY, and HANG OUT together, there is this corky little device for "safe listening."

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* Toilet \Toi"let\, n. [French. toilette, dim. of toile cloth. See Toil - a net.]
1. A covering of linen, silk, or tapestry, spread over a table in a chamber or a dressing room. [1913 Webster]
2. A dressing table. --Pope. [1913 Webster]
3. Act or mode of dressing, or that which is arranged in dressing; attire; dress; as, her toilet is perfect. [Written also toilette.] [1913 Webster]


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