Winning Trial Tip - "We Been Here 25 Years"

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"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt."

Bertrand Russell

What is it with this deranged woman? Just this morning she was out front bending the ear of some poor passerby about how she's "been here twenty-five years"! My Excel spreadsheet calculated 22.75 years to today's date. For such a supposedly shrewd entrepreneur in the cutthroat catering business, either Mellow Yellow doesn't have a solid grasp on time or numbers and sheer repetition makes the fairy tale come true, or she preys on people's emotional responses by playing(?) dopey.

Of course, she could just be practicing for her upcoming trial. I can imagine the judge being absolutely, totally convinced by her somber, earnest demeanor and professional-level delivery of the one line that will give her the judgment - "Your Honor, we been here well over twenty-five years." Maybe the Alpha Female can give him the proper puppy-dog eyes (and not open her mouth again)... Yes, siree, that oughta do it for her. To hell with facts, just go with the finessed inexactitudes! Hey, it worked for her for the last 22.75 years.

Every single time this subject comes up, she fails to mention that she used the "brand" of TLC Catering since 1985, running her slop troughs from some other undisclosed place for two years before infecting infesting contaminating blighting the property at 810 Fishback Street. Yup, maybe that's what she's thinking, but still deliberately misrepresenting the timeframe in her epic attempt to evade Manteca's zoning laws.

On 3/3/2009, three times within three minutes she claimed twenty-five years of occupancy, despite admitting she bought the property in 1987. (My Excel spreadsheet calculated 21.31 years on that date. Should the 3.6 years discrepancy be allowed for oratorical hyperbole? Or is she on her schtick and "just getting wound up"?)

Mayor Weatherford: What year did you buy the property?

Ms. Allen: '87.

Mayor Weatherford: Did you come in at the same time, or were you the original owner when it was annexed to the City?

Ms. Allen: It wasn't in the City yet. [<--- Here is the core of her lie. The jurisdictional description of the parcel on her own Grant Deed states "City of Manteca, County of San Joaquin."]

In fact, when they started talking about the City coming in, or whatever, they brought... they had somebody come out and talk to us, saying they wanted to bring in a school and whatnot. We also had the City people out there to make sure everything was o.k. when we came in. I've been there twenty-five years. I haven't had any problems. I have city people from Tracy here that... I give good service. It's not that we don't get along, we just don't talk. Like, this is the second book!
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Mayor Weatherford: When you bought the property, did you have an intention to use it in a certain way?

Ms. Allen: Yes, it was all laid out. Yes... It was coming in... from the Bay Area, I lived in the Bay Area, work in Tracy, just come out here, bought some country property. Have the Health Department in... for twenty-five years they come in every year, every December. I've had Clark Pest Control since the day I moved in. I have my refrigeration man that can tell you about the ice machine that's not really a problem because it doesn't run all night. I go to bed at seven, shut it off, I leave at four in the morning. My other neighbors I've been with for well over twenty-five... Costa's been there twenty years. They said I could use their phone numbers or whatever, that they have no problems with me, we all buddy up. When we first got started out here, he actually... you know, we meet and say hello, how are you doing? at the mailbox...

Actually, what I'd really like back is the last 3.42 years of my life stolen by the Three Beaches.
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Incidentally, this Friday the 13th should prove enlightening in several ways. Stay tuned.
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