Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Absent Mind, Absently Noisy and Wasteful


Yesterday at 4:30 in the morning the Barefoot Dirty Girls crammed their junk, their eats, their yappy, lappy dogs, and their own [PC-censored] bodies into the Sebring, clanked their driveway gate shut behind them, and drove away into the darkness. Perhaps it has something to do with the last-second and suddenly revealed excuse to evade the property inspection discovery. I wish it was a permanent departure – a final riddance – but, alas, they will likely be back. Too bad.

Not content to disappear quietly, however, the Noxious Noise Queens hired stand-ins. Shortly after 7:00 a.m., the bilingual Felix and his foreign language speaking helper pulled into the driveway, unloaded a lawnmower, and fired it up. Because the hired mower was nowhere near as noisy or “beefy” as the Ol’ John Deere [missing - sold?], it took quite a while to mow down the month’s growth. They were still at it at 8:00 a.m.

John Deer

At 12:30, Felix y tres amigos were “hanging” in the front yard. At least some of them were there to continue the all-weekend job of stripping cabinets, cupboards, and drawers, and then repainting them, using as many electric- and air-driven power tools and air compressors as possible. Aurally encouraged by their self-supplied boom-box radio, they were still going as dusk approached.

It is wondrous to behold the huge amounts of money the self-proclaimed tightwad, Mellow Yellow, is paying out for materials and [documented?] workers to refurnish and accessorize the newly-rebuilt home. Of course, the tightly wadded proprietress has not yet paid a lawyer to defend the unlawful use of property lawsuit. Her Farmer’s Insurance homeowner’s policy is covering that – despite the policy exclusions for both business uses and illegal activities. Too bad that money is not being better used to remove the illegal business assets and to demolish the unpermitted structures housing them.

I’m pretty sure the BDG’s have adopted Friendly Felix – a jack-of-all-trades, an honorary redneck like themselves, an English speaker – and one or more of his helpers (ayudantes.) They pay their boy toys to do the odd jobs, but the toys’ real purpose is to feed the “big girls,” guard the half-acre commercial compound and, most especially, protect Loopy Lynda’s precious crop of marijuana. ({Using her most endearing nasally, twangy, squeaky, gravelly voice} “Now, don’ you boys smoke too mucha that, ya hear?”)

Here is how the crop looked on July 8th.

Here is how the crop looks now.

It is into the seventh week since police visited Lynda and told her to enclose and secure the pot farm, but it is still in the open and across an easily scalable fence from Sierra High School. Yet another law the pothead, Mellow Yellow, loves to ignore. Ain't she special?

How well the boys perform is illustrated by the lawn watering that took place after the first seasonal mowing of the grass (... the other grass, dopehead!) Before the BDG-appointed landscape maintenance/cabinet replacement crew vacated the house Monday night, they turned off the big plasma screen TV and turned on the sprinkler out front. They did not return until 8:00 o’clock Tuesday morning to turn it off – approximately eleven or twelve hours later. (“Conserve water? Us? F-U!”)

The Doped Dilettantes have no clue Manteca has a water conservation ordinance they should follow. (Really? The BDG’s observe a law? break a law? Never!) They are forever turning on their sprinklers on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday instead of their prescribed Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. But they don’t give a shit because those pesky city ordinances can't possibly apply to them – and they are only guidelines anyway, right?

Remember: She’s old; she must be grandfathered.

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