Monday, August 1, 2011

The True Meaning of T.L.C. (Yes, Virginia, There Is A Grinch.)

T-Boz, Left Eye, and Chilli (TLC)
I hate to think of the last four years, wracking my brain, trying to think of the true meaning of TLC! All that wasted time! All that being Mr. Nice Guy, giving the benefit of the doubt to the three poor, miserable wretches ekeing out a living selling chips and sodas {and something weird wrapped in tortillas.} All that vain worry about the Barefoot Dirty Girls chilling their foodstuffs with ice flecked with doggie saliva, and upside down ice buckets used as step stools in the dirt.

Wherever did those hillbillies from the Contra Costa come up with this acronym?

  • Did it mean (as most people think) Tender Loving Care? Perish the thought! That is completely contradicted by the personalities, mannerisms and lives of the BDG's. It is not cosmically possible.
  • .
  • Maybe they named it after "T-Boz" (Tionne Watkins), "Left Eye" (Lisa Lopes), and "Chilli" (Rozonda Thomas), the BDG's alter egos in a girl band called TLC. Strong possibility here but, with such an horrible accident of naming, those girls do not deserve to be painted with the BDG's broad acid brush. The BDG's possessed absolutely NO musical abilities whatsoever and, besides, they fancied themselves more like these three:

  • Did it stand for (Rotund Red) Teresa Teressa Theresa Brassey, (Lyin') Lynda Allen and (Guts[y]) Corky Green? No, not if the name was chosen before T & L moved to Manteca, because flabby Guts[y] joined the ménage à trois later. Good try, though.
  • .
  • Could its intuitive etymology confirm Three Lying  _unts... uhn, Three Lying Culinaries? Getting warmer!
  • .
  • How about Three Little Pigs? (Aw, come on!) Colder.
Ok, Ok...
  • "L" is easy, it's a given - the embodiment and immortalization of L/L, or Lyin' Lynda.
  • .
  • "C" has a narrow array of possibilities, primarily Cxxt, Culinary, and Cod Liver Oil; or, in light of patterns being repeated recently with non-payment of taxes, the winner is Cheat. Now, something for:
  • .
  • "T"... Taxes? {No, too repetitious} Three? {No, too mundane for such goddesses} Hmm... Lie, Cheat,... Steal! Ahhh, ahhh... Thieving!

Three truly perfect descriptors for the Satan spawn downwind!

- The true meaning of TLC Catering -

Thievin', Lyin', Cheatin' Cxxts Culinaries

The Barefoot Dirty Girls have forever tainted the acronym, TLC. Whoever uses it in the future will suffer under its poisonous stigma. Never will I think of TLC the same way again.


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