Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Missa Pro Defunctis (Requiem) in Limerick

(Pro Forma)

uglywomanThere is this old shrew from Pinole
Whose life is a greedy black hole;
Though Red is her lover
And Green is her cover,*
Yet nothing accrues to her soul.

The ants and the roaches all tremble
When their big boss (they closely resemble)
Turns the key to their coach,
Streets of Tracy to poach,
While the icemaker stays back to rumble.

Her orders in high cackley voice
Are meant to leave one without choice
As they pierce the still air
With a malignant flair.
Her incipient demise? We rejoice!

Lest the reader should think that I'm crass -
(With the goal to kick her in the ass) -
'Tis her PAIN! Hard to suffer,
Let God quickly snuff her
Then we all'd be in good smokin' grass.

She leaves behind yards full of junk
And dress styles that really are punk.
The dogs, they will yap
As though still in her lap -
Please stuff them in with her in the trunk.

The radio, too, snuggle next to her head
And turn it up LOUD (‘cause she’s dead)
On Mega one-hunnerd
That acoustical canard
May the noise go with her to the shed.

After popping the cork and the bung,
All the crimes of this bitch will be sung,
‘Bout her leathery face
And complete lack of grace,
All back-stopped by her facile tongue.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
* two lines paraphrased from lyrics to Take It Easy, sung by the Eagles and reparaphrased below.
Lookin' for a [c]over who [wants to] blow my [l]over;
She's so...oo hard to find.

No comments: