Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Disturbed Skipper of Ship of Fools on Sea of Idiots

Karma is an awesome thing!
patron saint of karmic payback

While not always wonderful in one's own life, payback can be downright hilarious when observed in someone else's.

To the west lives a pack of fools, who love nothing more than to crank up their outdoor speakers with some melodic trash while partying - outside, of course. (I don't know which hurts worse: that all his [or her] neighbors must be subjected to such crude behavior; or, that we are never invited to the parties.) Lacking more culturally "sensitive" terms, I must revert to somewhat more unsympathetic and politically incorrect words in categorizing the tasteless entertainment noise as "Mexican music."

These dolts infest the property at 700 Airport Way in the City of Manteca, County of San Joaquin, State of California, on a 1.88-acre lot that extends east to mid-block. Neighbors backing up to them also have large, deep lots that can be used for horses or other animals. Below are screen prints of a Google satellite shot and an SJ County parcel map for the location context.

This odious concertina music, with its crooning vocalists, often plays during the daytime and can be heard for at least a quarter-mile, especially when the northwest Delta breezes drift the noisesome* vibrations this direction. During the quiet of the night it can be heard even farther. They must believe that everyone within earshot actually likes the stuff. The force-feeding is nauseating.

The problem becomes acute at night, however, when the offenders periodically continue the revelry past 10:00 p.m., sometimes to midnight or 2:00 a.m. I have been awakened by the Mexican music a few times late at night. Such has been noted - and called in to the Manteca Police Department - on March 9th, June 12th, July 3rd, August 21st, and September 5th of this year alone.

Most entertaining - by far - was last Sunday on the evening of September 5th, two days ago. Upon returning home late, around 21:00 hours, I noticed the Mexican music drifting across the deep lots. Easygoing, peace loving neighbor that I am, I shrugged it off because, according to the [apparently toothless] local noise ordinance, he/she had until 22:00 hours to terminate the party noise.

A little after ten, I was surprised to see the Barefoot Dirty Girls' yard light come on. They are turn into squash gourds pumpkins much earlier than ten, going comatose from a hard day of yapping, toking, watching their foreign language speaking hired helpers work, playing picnic table games, and generally doing nothing. They positively go brain dead early (as shown by the facts of their recording the last quarter of their last Worshipful Raiders game on their brand new giant indoor Sony TV because it extended past 9:00 p.m. - while their own yard radio played... across the fence... outside... the whole time.)

Poor Mellow "Lynda" Yellow... she couldn't sleep! At 10:10 p.m., the Mexican music was keeping her up. (And, God knows, she's missed too much beauty sleep already in her almost six decades!) The pinch-faced woman gathered her tattered robe tightly and in slippers shuffled out of her house, out of the rebuilt lattice porch, across the yard, and into the outbuilding. Moments later she shuffled back into her house.

"Holy $%#@#, Batman!"** That was a slap-my-face Ah-Ha moment*** - an ironic shock of epic proportions - a perfect example of Karma, the incontestable dragon, coming back to bite Lynda's skinny ass. Not only was the benighted woman bothered by the Moo-zĕk'-ah, she was MORE bothered by the possibility that it was HER OWN YARD RADIO keeping her up. Her paranoia forced her to get up and check that her outdoor radio was turned off before calling the police... or, because I might call the police on her.

I have laughed ever since that this Mega-champion of round-the-clock noxious noise was rousted from her newly insulated and rebuilt house by someone else's yard radio a quarter-mile away! Yet she maintains her own daily nuisance radio just over my fence and expects me not to object.

An idiot. An idiot on dope. A disturbed idiot on dope.
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* noi·some (noism) (adj.) 1. Offensively malodorous; offensive to the point of arousing disgust; foul: a noisome odor. 2. Causing or able to cause nausea; "a nauseating smell"; "nauseous offal"; "a sickening stench." Loathsome, nauseating, nauseous, queasy, sickening, vile, offensive. 3. Unwholesome - detrimental to physical or moral well-being; "unwholesome food"; "unwholesome habits like smoking tobacco or marijuana." [Middle English. noiesom: noie, harm (short for anoi, annoyance, from Old French, from anoier, to annoy; see annoy) + -som, adj. suff.; see -some1.]

** A grammatical ejaculation commonly transliterated**** as "Ah-Ha."

*** Wendy Piersall - "I like to describe Ah-Ha Moments as those when the intellectual mind, the emotional mind and the physical body all come to an agreement at the same time. It’s when you have an idea or problem that you have struggled with in your mind, it caused icky or conflicting emotions, and your body usually tensed up or got stressed out when you thought about it. Then in one fell swoop, your mind 'gets it' – you have a flood (tiny or huge) of good emotions, and you feel a physical sense of relief and happiness, joy or resolution."

**** Transliterate: to write or print a letter or word using the closest corresponding letters of a different alphabet or language. Modern transliteracy is the ability to read, write and interact across a range of platforms, tools and media from signing and orality through handwriting, print, TV, radio and film, to digital social networks.

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