Absent Mind, Absently Noisy and Wasteful

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Yesterday at 4:30 in the morning the Barefoot Dirty Girls crammed their junk, their eats, their yappy, lappy dogs, and their own [PC-censored] bodies into the Sebring, clanked their driveway gate shut behind them, and drove away into the darkness. Perhaps it has something to do with the last-second and suddenly revealed excuse to evade the property inspection discovery. I wish it was a permanent departure – a final riddance – but, alas, they will likely be back. Too bad.

Not content to disappear quietly, however, the Noxious Noise Queens hired stand-ins. Shortly after 7:00 a.m., the bilingual Felix and his foreign language speaking helper pulled into the driveway, unloaded a lawnmower, and fired it up. Because the hired mower was nowhere near as noisy or “beefy” as the Ol’ John Deere [missing - sold?], it took quite a while to mow down the month’s growth. They were still at it at 8:00 a.m.



At 12:30, Felix y tres amigos were “hanging” in the front yard. At least some of them were there to continue the all-weekend job of stripping cabinets, cupboards, and drawers, and then repainting them, using as many electric- and air-driven power tools and air compressors as possible. Aurally encouraged by their self-supplied boom-box radio, they were still going as dusk approached.

It is wondrous to behold the huge amounts of money the self-proclaimed tightwad, Mellow Yellow, is paying out for materials and [documented?] workers to refurnish and accessorize the newly-rebuilt home. Of course, the tightly wadded proprietress has not yet paid a lawyer to defend the unlawful use of property lawsuit. Her Farmer’s Insurance homeowner’s policy is covering that – despite the policy exclusions for both business uses and illegal activities. Too bad that money is not being better used to remove the illegal business assets and to demolish the unpermitted structures housing them.

I’m pretty sure the BDG’s have adopted Friendly Felix – a jack-of-all-trades, an honorary redneck like themselves, an English speaker – and one or more of his helpers (ayudantes.) They pay their boy toys to do the odd jobs, but the toys’ real purpose is to feed the “big girls,” guard the half-acre commercial compound and, most especially, protect Loopy Lynda’s precious crop of marijuana. ({Using her most endearing nasally, twangy, squeaky, gravelly voice} “Now, don’ you boys smoke too mucha that, ya hear?”)

Here is how the crop looked on July 8th.

Here is how the crop looks now.

It is into the seventh week since police visited Lynda and told her to enclose and secure the pot farm, but it is still in the open and across an easily scalable fence from Sierra High School. Yet another law the pothead, Mellow Yellow, loves to ignore. Ain't she special?

How well the boys perform is illustrated by the lawn watering that took place after the first seasonal mowing of the grass (... the other grass, dopehead!) Before the BDG-appointed landscape maintenance/cabinet replacement crew vacated the house Monday night, they turned off the big plasma screen TV and turned on the sprinkler out front. They did not return until 8:00 o’clock Tuesday morning to turn it off – approximately eleven or twelve hours later. (“Conserve water? Us? F-U!”)

The Doped Dilettantes have no clue Manteca has a water conservation ordinance they should follow. (Really? The BDG’s observe a law? break a law? Never!) They are forever turning on their sprinklers on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday instead of their prescribed Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. But they don’t give a shit because those pesky city ordinances can't possibly apply to them – and they are only guidelines anyway, right?

Remember: She’s old; she must be grandfathered.

We're Off and Running...

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I'm officially listed as a Manteca City Council candidate by the San Joaquin County Registrar of Voters, and the Secretary of State has randomized the alphabet for listing the candidates on the ballot.

For the two council seats, I'm first in the field of four, followed in order by Anderson, Hernandez, and Harris. (The mayoral field will be listed as: Cantu, Weatherford, Perry, and Moorhead.)

My Candidate Statement will be printed in the Voter Guide and campaign signs have been ordered.

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Fifteen Months and Discovery Still Stonewalled

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[removed picture of asshole lawyers, under threat of asshole lawyers being themselves]

Thirty-five days ago the defendants were provided notice that the plaintiff would be inspecting their property to verify the existence of business assets and business operations (checklist here) on Friday, the 13th of August. Yesterday - the eve before the scheduled inspection - I still had not received any one of the three required responses, per CCP Section 2031.210: statement of compliance, representation of inability to comply, or an objection to the demand.

Tick, tick, tick... the last minute... of the last hour... of the last day... brinksmanship at its best... (or just playing "chicken"...)

Kinda reminds me of the preseason football game between the Cowboys and Raiders. Just last evening the Barefoot Dirty Girls were hootin' and hollerin' during the fourth quarter when their heros finally got themselves on the scoreboard, and you shoulda heard the racket Ravaged Red, Guts[y] Green, and Mellow Yellow put up when an interception was returned for another TD. And then the game-ending Hail Mary pass to the end zone was intercepted by their knights in shining black and silver armor at 9:07 p.m.

More Hail Mary's ensued (but not a single Mea Culpa) during the ritual eventide burning of the roaches for the next hour, all accompanied by the sweet strains of soft rock KQOD Stockton, Mega 100.1, before retirement. (And, yes, the yard radio was on the entire time the Raiderettes-Senior Squad was inside the house dancing and cheering during the game.)

It is truly heart-wrenching to witness the depths of sadness and mourning and hopeless despair (requiring self-medication) the BDG's are experiencing during this most difficult time. Most awful was the fact that they could not watch "live the game" in larger-than-life format because they missed the first delivery attempt of their really BIG Sony flat screen TV. And, on top of all that...

My attorney called this Friday morning with a “phone tag” message from opposing counsel yesterday. The inspection has been continued (postponed) due to some kind of ”cancer in the family.” (Probably one of their five or six dogs has an ovarian cyst; but, hey, everything on that property is cancerous {shrug}.) It's grief beyond enduring when such a dread disease makes its sudden, deadly appearance precisely on day thirty-five of the latest legal f-u in a fifteen month span.

I'm guessing this is what passes for a "representation of inability to comply" with the demand for discovery in California juris-impudence. And bigger surprise, apparently opposing counsel is unavailable today. I’ll give them maybe another week to reschedule - before the September 1st hearing on the Motion to Amend - before seeking a Motion to Compel.

The funniest part of this sorry episode is that two years ago I described the BDGs' operation as the Cancerous Catering Company. Here is the relevant portion:

...

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

Please PAUSE reading here.

The case of unlawful use of residential property has been made. Let Allen & Brassey choose - relocate their business to a commercial zone, or, go out of business. Either way, they must remove all current and abandoned business assets and cease all business operations.

If you proceed, please understand that what follows does not alter the facts outlined above. The remainder of this narrative is a tragically comic documentary of the confused nonsense displayed by city and county personnel in dealing with the situation. Despite its entertainment value, the purpose of the following is to ensure the complete rehabilitation of 810 Fishback Street to its residential-only status by detailing all the "arms and legs" of this cancerous catering company that is to be removed from the property.

RESUME reading . . .

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

...

Why in hell do I spend all this time and money on useless legal processes, if the matter of law I wanted submitted to the judge in the first place will wind up with him anyway without any more information than I had fifteen months ago? (Partial unsatisfactory answer: Jarndyce and Jarndyce.)

What the California Code of Civil Procedure calls for (regarding the Civil Discovery Act):

Section 2019.010.
Any party may obtain discovery by one or more of the following methods:
(a) Oral and written depositions.
(b) Interrogatories to a party.
(c) Inspections of documents, things, and places.
(d) Physical and mental examinations.
(e) Requests for admissions.
(f) Simultaneous exchanges of expert trial witness information.

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What I get from Allen & Brassey and their freebie attorney:

• Interrogatories: Allen & Brassey fired off interrogatories on plaintiff along with their Answer to the lawsuit Summons, yet responded to so few of the interrogatories on defendants as to make the exercise virtually worthless and unproductive. According to their counsel, every question was an invasion of privacy and unrelated to the lawsuit.
• Requests for admissions: Allen & Brassey responded to so few of the requests for admissions by defendants as to render that exercise worthless and unproductive. According to their counsel, every statement, if answered, was an invasion of privacy and unrelated to the lawsuit.
• Requests for admissions (Authentication of documents): Allen & Brassey refused on two separate occasions to admit the authenticity of ANY of the public documents bearing on the city's annexations, the defendants' property purchase, and various aspects of the defendants' business operation on that parcel. The only acknowledgment by defendants' counsel was a whiney-sounding, "There are too many of them." (No shit, Sherlock!)
• Oral and written depositions: No oral depositions of any parties have been taken. The only written document thus far is the affidavit of a retired city official - who supplied it upon my request, not the request of any "officer of the court." (The only other writing is my draft Declaration of Facts in support of my imminent motion for summary judgment.)
• Inspections of documents, things, and places: Thirty-five days ago the defendants were provided notice that the plaintiff would be inspecting their property to verify the existence of business assets and business operations (checklist here). On the eve before the scheduled inspection, I still have not received any of the three acceptable responses: statement of compliance, representation of inability to comply, or an objection to the demand. (See report in first of post.)
• I shall have to contemplate demanding Section 2019.010 (d) mental examinations on Lynda Allen and Theresa Brassey to see if they are dealing from "full decks" (without considering cannabis intoxication and impairment.)

No motion by defendants for a protective order against discovery demands, based on a meet and confer declaration by the attorneys, has ever been granted by the court - yet discovery drags on with questions unanswered, items not admitted, documents not authenticated... and no one seems to give a rat's ass. My attorney just shrugs and says, "Oh, well, we'll just get the judge to answer/admit/authenticate everything."

WTF?! Is this merely an attorney's full employment plan? I'm beginning to think plaintiff's attornies are no better than defendant's lawyers.

[pic removed]

{Oh! Did I already post that picture? I'm sorry. There must be too many aggressive sea-going garbage disposals, known as sharks, eating up people's livings. Why are they smiling...?}
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More CCP discovery references:
Section 2019.030.
(a) The court shall restrict the frequency or extent of use of a discovery method provided in Section 2019.010 if it determines either of the following:
(1) The discovery sought is unreasonably cumulative or duplicative, or is obtainable from some other source that is more convenient, less burdensome, or less expensive.
(2) The selected method of discovery is unduly burdensome or expensive, taking into account the needs of the case, the amount in controversy, and the importance of the issues at stake in the litigation.
(b) The court may make these determinations pursuant to a motion for a protective order by a party or other affected person. This motion shall be accompanied by a meet and confer declaration under Section 2016.040.
(c) The court shall impose a monetary sanction under Chapter 7 (commencing with Section 2023.010) against any party, person, or attorney who unsuccessfully makes or opposes a motion for a protective order, unless it finds that the one subject to the sanction acted with substantial justification or that other circumstances make the imposition of the sanction unjust.

Section 2031.010.
(a) Any party may obtain discovery within the scope delimited by Chapters 2 (commencing with Section 2017.010) and 3 (commencing with Section 2017.710), and subject to the restrictions set forth in Chapter 5 (commencing with Section 2019.010), by inspecting, copying, testing, or sampling documents, tangible things, land or other property, and electronically stored information in the possession, custody, or control of any other party to the action.
(b) A party may demand that any other party produce and permit the party making the demand, or someone acting on that party's behalf, to inspect and to copy a document that is in the possession, custody, or control of the party on whom the demand is made.
(c) A party may demand that any other party produce and permit the party making the demand, or someone acting on that party's behalf, to inspect and to photograph, test, or sample any tangible things that are in the possession, custody, or control of the party on whom the demand is made.
(d) A party may demand that any other party allow the party making the demand, or someone acting on that party's behalf, to enter on any land or other property that is in the possession, custody, or control of the party on whom the demand is made, and to inspect and to measure, survey, photograph, test, or sample the land or other property, or any designated object or operation on it.
(e) A party may demand that any other party produce and permit the party making the demand, or someone acting on that party's behalf, to inspect, copy, test, or sample electronically stored information in the possession, custody, or control of the party on whom demand is made.

Section 2031.210.
(a) The party to whom a demand for inspection, copying, testing, or sampling has been directed shall respond separately to each item or category of item by any of the following:
(1) A statement that the party will comply with the particular demand for inspection, copying, testing, or sampling by the date set for the inspection, copying, testing, or sampling pursuant to paragraph (2) of subdivision (c) of Section 2031.030 and any related activities.
(2) A representation that the party lacks the ability to comply with the demand for inspection, copying, testing, or sampling of a particular item or category of item.
(3) An objection to the particular demand for inspection, copying, testing, or sampling.
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Decorating Tips For the Dragon Ladies

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"These six things doth the Supreme Generalissimo engender: yea, these seven abominations are marks of honor unto her: a proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shred innocent peace, an heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief, a false witness that speaketh lies, and she that soweth discord among brethren." (paraphrased from Proverbs 6: 16-19)

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My, my! The Barefoot Dirty Girls' covered porch will very soon be the outdoor room that the wind-whipped gazebo tent never was. They have been assiduously furnishing it for weeks, scavenging every yard sale they pass, no doubt.

• It already has its own special, built-in ledge designed for Mellow Yellow's outdoor radio rock speaker. (With the speaker's impending court-ordered removal, my sincere hope is that she is not so stupid as to claim that moving the speaker inside a lattice-work qualifies as being "indoors".)

• It already has the round glass table top, hauled in last week by Red. (In case the pedestal didn't make it from the yard sale, the picture above is my suggestion for an appropriate pedestal to complement the collective personalities of the residents.)

• It already has some sort of Sony entertainment device, delivered in the back of a black pickup truck that was NOT marked "Geek Squad." (Alas, the truck also did NOT have flashing blue and red lights, like a police car does. If it had, the rejection of the first delivery attempt about 8:30 one night would not have happened, when the neighbors failed to recognize the urgency to answer their door or telephone.)

• It already has a chest freezer - a leftover TLC Catering business asset, which Red and Green accessed every morning between midnight and the 4:30 am catering truck departure. (The schemers are attempting to "convert" it to personal use. Next thing you know, they'll try to move the former business' outdoor refrigerator into the covered porch and claim it as personal use, also.)

Since Lynda says, "We like rednecks," I offer a few other items of redneck decor for their consideration.

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A Menagerie of Jabberwocks

From Mark Twain's letter to Julia Beecher, May 30, 1880. [Twain's friend Julia Beecher crafted entertaining figures from roots of trees and shrubs. The Hartford Daily Courant of June 7, 1880, p. 2 in a story titled "The Bazar" reported that Mr. Clemens "after successfully disposing of a number of articles in Booth J. generously offered to dispose of the booth itself and all the people in it, including himself, but as no satisfactory offers were made the lot was withdrawn."]

"I have arranged your Jabberwocks & other devils in procession according to number & rank, on the piano in the drawing-room, & in that subdued light they take to themselves added atrocities of form & expression, & so make a body's flesh crawl with pleasure. There is a compulsory fascination about them which has drawn me in there every half hour all day; every time I go they look more intelligent, more alive, more suggestive of a convention of Consciences met together to play roots on their poor human proprietors; (see my late Atlantic article.) If I come down at midnight (with my usual dose of hot-Scotch stowed) I shall very easily be able to imagine I see them climbing about the furniture, bearing their rigid tails on high & inspecting everything with their critical brass eyes. I tell you they are different creatures now from what they were this morning. Then, they were desiccated vague imitations of the familiar works of God, & soulless; now, they are real creatures out of Wonderland, secretly alive, natural, proper, & ungrotesque to eyes used to them in the world they came from -- & so they take the fiction all out of the Jabberwock & I recognize & accept him as a fact.
 
"You have had a genuine inspiration; you have wrought it out, not lamely, but to perfection. It is the most ingenious thing of this generation. I shall hate to see any of these enchanting monsters go out of the house; they grow so in grotesque grace, hour by hour; & the more of them there are in a group the happier is the effect. Make more--don't leave a root unutilized in Chemung county. But don't go to the last limit--that is, don't breathe actual life into them; for I know (if there is anything in physiognomy & general personal appearance) that they would all vote the Democratic ticket, every devil of them.

"P.S. These things shan't be fooled away at this fair; they've got to be sold at auction; & I mean to be the auctioneer."

(The preceding from the Twain Quotations website.)

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Definitely NO Mirrors!

The smashing of this narrow glass
Which lived to hurt and to harass
Pernicious magic; dark, arcane
Existed only to cause pain
The things it loved most to create
Were envy, rancor, gall and hate

It’s true intent was low and starker
Something deep and so much darker
It’s mission here upon the earth:
To prove that women have no worth
The things it hoped to bring about
Were fear, resentment and self doubt
To feed on woman’s greatest fears
And it had worked for many years


It made the mirror extremely glad
When a woman thought that she was bad
It was the foul mirror’s fondest dream
To obliterate all self-esteem

Out flew the web and floated wide
The mirror cracked from side to side
Good riddance to that harping witch!
That mirror was always such a bitch

(Excerpts from poetry of Edwina Peterson Cross)
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Timepiece, aka Chronometer (to limit the outdoor noise you create to only a couple hours a day)

You know, they say Classical music and math make people smarter. Incorporating things like this into the overall scheme couldn't hurt...

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Pinole Pest Control

The impending canine count contraction calls for quick control of uncouth quixotic creatures. Gnome Be Gone's, a predator NOT banned or limited by Manteca Municipal Code, are the perfect addition to porch. The importation of these cuddly helpers will:

• Prevent the threatened invasion of gnomes (other than current occupants)

• Add just the right touch to the porch's sanitary conditions, eradicating ants, mice, gophers, chickens, stray cats, small dogs (oops!), dropped crumbs and "day-old" sandwiches still left over from the catering trucks.

• Maintain the current ambience which exudes from the residence (Is that a steel magnolia?)

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Ann Kornuta

And don't forget a card table for the Scrabble game every evening...

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I cannot wait to see (and NOT hear) the results of BDG Interior Decorating's big adventure into the world of home makeovers.

(Actually, that should be BDG Exterior Decorating, since the porch does not have solid walls.)

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Winning Trial Tip - "We Been Here 25 Years"

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"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt."

Bertrand Russell

What is it with this deranged woman? Just this morning she was out front bending the ear of some poor passerby about how she's "been here twenty-five years"! My Excel spreadsheet calculated 22.75 years to today's date. For such a supposedly shrewd entrepreneur in the cutthroat catering business, either Mellow Yellow doesn't have a solid grasp on time or numbers and sheer repetition makes the fairy tale come true, or she preys on people's emotional responses by playing(?) dopey.

Of course, she could just be practicing for her upcoming trial. I can imagine the judge being absolutely, totally convinced by her somber, earnest demeanor and professional-level delivery of the one line that will give her the judgment - "Your Honor, we been here well over twenty-five years." Maybe the Alpha Female can give him the proper puppy-dog eyes (and not open her mouth again)... Yes, siree, that oughta do it for her. To hell with facts, just go with the finessed inexactitudes! Hey, it worked for her for the last 22.75 years.

Every single time this subject comes up, she fails to mention that she used the "brand" of TLC Catering since 1985, running her slop troughs from some other undisclosed place for two years before infecting infesting contaminating blighting the property at 810 Fishback Street. Yup, maybe that's what she's thinking, but still deliberately misrepresenting the timeframe in her epic attempt to evade Manteca's zoning laws.

On 3/3/2009, three times within three minutes she claimed twenty-five years of occupancy, despite admitting she bought the property in 1987. (My Excel spreadsheet calculated 21.31 years on that date. Should the 3.6 years discrepancy be allowed for oratorical hyperbole? Or is she on her schtick and "just getting wound up"?)

Mayor Weatherford: What year did you buy the property?

Ms. Allen: '87.

Mayor Weatherford: Did you come in at the same time, or were you the original owner when it was annexed to the City?

Ms. Allen: It wasn't in the City yet. [<--- Here is the core of her lie. The jurisdictional description of the parcel on her own Grant Deed states "City of Manteca, County of San Joaquin."]

In fact, when they started talking about the City coming in, or whatever, they brought... they had somebody come out and talk to us, saying they wanted to bring in a school and whatnot. We also had the City people out there to make sure everything was o.k. when we came in. I've been there twenty-five years. I haven't had any problems. I have city people from Tracy here that... I give good service. It's not that we don't get along, we just don't talk. Like, this is the second book!
...
Mayor Weatherford: When you bought the property, did you have an intention to use it in a certain way?

Ms. Allen: Yes, it was all laid out. Yes... It was coming in... from the Bay Area, I lived in the Bay Area, work in Tracy, just come out here, bought some country property. Have the Health Department in... for twenty-five years they come in every year, every December. I've had Clark Pest Control since the day I moved in. I have my refrigeration man that can tell you about the ice machine that's not really a problem because it doesn't run all night. I go to bed at seven, shut it off, I leave at four in the morning. My other neighbors I've been with for well over twenty-five... Costa's been there twenty years. They said I could use their phone numbers or whatever, that they have no problems with me, we all buddy up. When we first got started out here, he actually... you know, we meet and say hello, how are you doing? at the mailbox...

Actually, what I'd really like back is the last 3.42 years of my life stolen by the Three Beaches.
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Incidentally, this Friday the 13th should prove enlightening in several ways. Stay tuned.
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Candidacy Signed, Sealed, Paid and Delivered

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My candidate nomination papers have all been signed and delivered to Manteca's Election Officer, the City Clerk, for the November 2010 General Municipal Election.

For my loyal followers

 (and the disloyal ones, as well)

This is the point at which this 'blog, Country Living in the City of Manteca, tangentially intersects my City Council campaign 'blog, TLC4Manteca.

See you there over the next few months.





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Details from Michealangelo's fresco, Last Judgment, on a wall of the Cistine Chapel - except for the road sign.
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John Deere Envy - Yellow Gets Green, Sees Red

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Saturday morning's delightful dawn was luxurious - a genteel awakening from a cool, peaceful, quiet night to the pleasant, temperate breezes of an unseasonably mild Central Valley summer. This semi-rural feeling is exactly why I bought this house on this property.

But the rose comes with three poisonous, inescapeable thorns, with Yellow delivering the biggest prick.

All pleasantries instantly evaporate when my pot-smoking neighbor, Mellow Yellow, turns on her outdoor radio at seven a.m. This deliberate, daily, all-day, imposition of her twisted, debilitating self on me has continued for fourteen months, since June 2009, after the noise nuisance lawsuit was served on her. (But why, Lynda, would anyone want to assert such a miserable existence as yours?)

A new victim presented himself around 9 o'clock. A big, black pickup truck parked in front of my house, with a flatbed trailer attached, hauling a large John Deere tractor and a disc attachment. The driver, who turned out to be a city contractor for weed abatement, barely had the tractor dismounted before he was targeted and subjected to a lengthy diatribe by the intractable mouth next door.

In the space of about three minutes, she had unloaded her [severely stunted] life history on this total stranger, telling him at least three lies in the process:

• #1 - "I'm a good neighbor." This from a woman who on an earlier occasion publicly allowed, "You know, I go to bed by seven, leave the yard by four. I mean, I'm not even much of a neighbor. I mean, we don't even see each other." Her public statement is truly a disingenious understatement; but I concur - she really isn't much of a neighbor. The reality is, she is the worst neighbor I have ever had the misfortune of living next to.
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• #2 - "I wanna be a good neighbor." This from a woman who has steadfastly resisted any good faith, voluntary effort to quiet the noise from her business; and later refused to stop her illegal business operation when presented with the evidence; and later rejected offers to settle the lawsuit, preferring instead to drag it on indefinitely. These are not the actions of a good neighbor - and she has not a scintilla* of intention to become one.
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• #3 - "That's $2,000 of my rocks over there [waving toward the driveway across the street]". This from a woman who, only last December, demanded payment of $3,000 for rocks she had dumped there in order to park Guts[y] Green's trailer. (Gee, a $1,000 decline in value in only eight months! What other Dunning-Kruger overestimations exist only in Lynda's mind?) Because power of attorney for the aged proprietress across the street is held by an adult daughter, Lynda was told to pound sand. I concur.

Every time Mellow Yellow opens her mouth, she loses more of what few rocks are left in her head. Her expertise in pressing her woes on every total stranger who accidentally intersects her miniscule orbit has to do with her self-view. This is illustrated by her own actions (one year ago) and described by this treatise on victimology:

"The victim stance is a powerful one. The victim is always morally right, neither responsible nor accountable, and forever entitled to sympathy. In claiming the status of victim and by assigning all blame to others, a person can achieve moral superiority while simultaneously disowning any responsibility for one's behavior and its outcome. The victims 'merely' seek justice and fairness."

Throwing diesel fuel on her internal conflagration of "Po' little ol' [victim] me" was the fact that the stranger had a BIG John Deere tractor - much, much bigger than her L-130 Automatic John Deere Riding Mower. Just how big I do not know, but to this marijuana-addled woman it must have looked like a Model 9400!

Compared to this guy's potent Green & Yellow machine, Lynda's already inadequate and impotent equipment must have seemed to her the size of this post's lead picture.

At noon, I must have infuriated the Supreme Generalissimo of the Sovereign 810 Fishback Annexation Island ("the Cuntry") of Southwestern Manteca, who has an obsessive compulsion to interject her self-loathing self into every thought and minute of everyone else's day. The following episode also underscores my position that anyone who possesses a medical marijuana card should be required to surrender their Driver License - it's one or the other, not both. Indeed, from the California Safety and Health Code:

Section 11362.5. (a) This section shall be known and may be cited as the Compaaaaassionate Use Act of 1996... (b)(2) Nothing in this section shall be construed to supersede legislation prohibiting persons from engaging in conduct that endangers others... [such as DUI, or driving under the influence?]

Just a little after noon, I stood at the end of my driveway talking with the contractor for a few minutes, while his wife took a turn discing down the weeds. The Yellow Generalissimo and her domestic dominated domesticated partner, Ravaged Red, pulled out of their driveway in the Sebring and drove to the mailboxes on the wrong side of the road. In order to make a T-turn (why?), the cannabis-laden driver (who would rather run over me as look at me), nosed the car into my driveway and pulled right alongside us, while the red-headed passenger, sitting by the open window, attempted to act nonchalant by "fiddling" with something in her lap during the maneuver. (Perhaps even the jaded Red was nonplussed by her Top's effrontery**!) Having unmistakeably stamped her presence on the moment, the druggie/driver took off southward. Truth be known, not once in the conversation did either Kent or I mention the mousy idiot from next door.

Maybe the pothead should powder some little blue pills and mix it into her stash. Maybe then, in her smoke-induced dreams, her tiny John Deere could get bigger - and longer - and harder - with more staying power - and provide a more intense and pleasurable experience. (But remember, in the event the heightened state lasts for more than four hours, permanent injury could occur [if it hasn't already].)

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* scin·til·la (n) [Latin, spark] a minute amount; an iota or trace; a spark; a flash; iota, shred, smidge, smidgen, smidgeon, smidgin, tittle, whit; small indefinite amount; small indefinite quantity - an indefinite quantity that is below average size or magnitude.

** effrontery (n) presumption; unashamed boldness; insolence; audacious (even arrogant) behavior where no right exists; rudeness (also called impudence); the disrespect and failure to behave within the context of social laws or etiquette; the arrogant breaching of essential boundaries or accepted behavior.
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