Monday, April 5, 2010

Trading Easter Gifts With the Neighbors

Dateline: Easter Sunday, April 4, 2010

What a wonderful Easter!

As their gift to me, T, L & C did NOT turn the yard radio on at 7:00 a.m. this morning. (Thank you, ma'ams.) Instead they barged and banged and clattered around in the icemaker "pantry" from approx. 6:45 to exactly 7:42, getting ready for some sort of field trip. Of course, over in the yard they had the stereo in their car cranked up to serenade themselves and the neighborhood while stuffing their "sleigh" full of "toys." The yard dogs must have been locked up because they were nowhere to be seen or heard. (And where's that chicken?)

At exactly 7:42, one said, "I'll see you out front," after which she turned on the yard radio loudly to Sunday morning gospel rock before joining the others. What a happy, thoughtful surprise! The music was perfect for an Easter sunrise!

At exactly 7:43, Corky's car, filled with occupants and who-knows-what-else, sped away from their driveway, leaving the radio on expressly and solely for my "enjoyment."

Well, let me tell you, I enjoyed it for several hours. I became so imbued with the spirit of enjoyment, that I called up the Manteca Police Department (MPD) at 11:21 a.m. and asked Dispatch to send some officers over to enjoy the gospel music with me.

Although Tight-Lipped, Limpy-pa-Loosa, and Curiously Curly were not physically present all day, the essence of their presence - noise, Noise, NOISE - permeated their property and mine... they would not want me to go one second without thinking of them. (Only pathological and puerile narcissists demand such such undue worship - undue because, among many other pyschological considerations, the Greek, Narcissus, was a "comely youth," whereas neither word applies to T, L or C.)

OK, in reality, I asked the MPD to physically verify my observation that no one was home next door, despite the radio blaring over the fence the song, "Yea, Though I Walk Through the Valley of the Shadow of Death," by the Whispers. (Wait... that was earlier in the day. Later I got a video clip of the speaker blasting "Super Freak.") When the first officer arrived at 11:45, I asked him to knock on the neighbors' door and ask them, if they were home, to turn off the radio so we could enjoy Easter Sunday even more.

The property at 810 Fishback has apparently been flagged by the Police Department as the site of an ongoing dispute, and the first officer must have called for backup and waited, because a second officer arrived a few minutes later to "rock out" with us. This is what they can see of the speaker from the street:

The second officer read over the first officer's write-up and they contacted their sergeant and Officer "Mike," who was the responder for the 6:00 a.m. Super Bowl Sunday disturbance (incl. police report) - and again the following Sunday (Valentine's Day.) Officer "Mike" must have led them to hope that Lynda Allen WASN'T home because... oh, those stories are already told.

Now fully armed with good intel, door-knocking ensued. A minute later the officer returned with, "They're not answering the door; the dogs are barking... Do they have a bird in there?" (Ah, yes, I was wondering where the chicken went, but... inside the house?)

The incident report was written up and the report number given to me. Here is the narrative from the Easter report:

04/04/2010 12:15:33 Officer xxxxxx Narrative: music heard from sidewalk, no answer at door. rp [reporting party] states music came on at approximately 0745 hrs. a few minutes later he heard the subjects leave the residence, without turning the radio off. requested documentation only-no report

We talked for several more minutes (thankfully WITHOUT the Alpha female commandeering and dominating the conversation) about the civil case, a possible misdemeanor disturbance case, code enforcement, and zoning/land use. One officer appeared favorable to the idea of me swearing out a complaint so he could "hook her" (I think that means, handcuff her.) He said that when people are hauled down to the police station and fingerprinted, they often remark, "Maybe that wasn't such a good idea, after all." The other officer thought it a better idea not to muddy the waters in the civil case, but wait first for things to settle. Soon enough they had to move on.

Six more hours of Mega 100.1 later, the dilatory dilettantes returned from their happy excursion amid a pouring rain. At 6:30 p.m. they thought it best to turn off the radio and retreat indoors, the former action being one they most often neglect before retreating indoors. ("Dark, cold, rain... it matters not... the radio must play on!" declares the ruling be-atch.)

Well, there you have it... T, L & C's Easter gift to me of all-day-every-day soft rock music... and my return surprise gift to them of another disturbance police report.

There is a very old saying, "Give him enough rope and he'll hang himself." This appears very true when you change rope to speaker wire and change the subject to one or more of my neighbors.

Yes, it is a Happy, Glorious Easter!

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